In our prayer time the other day, Kristin prayed for me with a great phrase. She asked, “Lord, continue to show Chris who he is and don’t let him focus on who he is not.” What a great prayer! That phrase has been working through me in the last few days.
I have extraordinary people all around me. My wife is a tremendous leader and visionary. My kids and their spouses are all creative and do things that blow me away artistically. My grandkids all have such unique personalities. On both sides of our families, we have parents of great wisdom and siblings who accomplish great things in their expertise areas. The staff at GFC is genuinely humbling to watch in action. Old to young, newest to the most tenured – they are top shelf in their love of God and people.
Yet, all of us have our faults, challenges, and blind spots too! We are far from perfect. We have attitudes and behaviors that cause us to dive into our strengths and talents. We choose our will instead of God’s will many times. We make mistakes, we sin…we fall short…we get tired…we fail.
God birthed in our hearts a need and desire for community. He gave us family as a core nucleus to our upbringing and development. Relationships do so much for as we progress through life. With all of that, you would think God’s focus would be on humanity as a whole. In his unlimited capacity, he has an eye on humanity.
BUT…
‘”I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born, I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”‘ Jeremiah 1:5 NLT.
Notice all the “I” ‘s and the “you” ‘s. “I knew you,” “I formed you,” “I set you apart,” and “I appointed you.” He made you so perfect that He dreamed of you; he fashioned you with all your gifts and talents; he gave you a purpose and a message to share.
And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.’ Matthew 10:30-31
Why would God want to know how many hairs are on your head? How many are missing from the time before? He wants to know every detail about you – inside and out.
‘For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. ‘Jeremiah 29:11
If God is that interested in who we are, how we are made and gifted, and has plans and purposes for us…why would we want to compare ourselves to anyone else? God has equipped us with everything we need to be confident in who we are in Him. He has empowered us to accomplish everything before us in our day with excellence and joy. He will be with us during every challenge, life curveball, and question. His Word says that He doesn’t want us to be afraid, anxious, or weary. He doesn’t let us go alone…He never leaves us nor forsakes us.
Go get ’em today…and you thought this blog was written for you.
I don’t like sunscreen. I have lived in Florida almost all my life, and I still struggle with putting sunscreen on. I don’t like feeling sticky; it stinging my eyes and having to reapply after a few hours.
Casey B. asked me recently, “Is there anything you would have done differently when we were younger?” I said, “Yes. I would have let you mess up my sunscreen.”
Whenever we would go to the beach or the pool, I had to put sunscreen on to protect my skin from burning. I burn easily and have come home many times painfully red, while Kristin would come home with a great tan. She would put dabs of sunscreen while I put on gobs of it.
When the kids were little, we were active around water – swim, body surf, and build sandcastles. If they wanted to ride on my shoulders or get close, I would say, “I don’t want to mess up my sunscreen.” I genuinely regret that.
There were so many times we wrestled, did “fwhps” on their bellies, and hugged…just not when I was wearing sunscreen. I look back now, and I think that was silly. It wasn’t worth the price of missing a special moment, so I didn’t have to reapply.
Now, as a grandfather, it came back to me when I was on our last beach vacation. I was out with Casey, Graham, Jax, Christopher, U. Scott, and U. Matt in the waves. We are all bobbing around, and Jax swims over and puts his hands on my shoulders. Christopher said, “Jax, don’t mess up Pop’s sunscreen.” The next day, when I was wearing my swim shirt, I had no problem with Jax piggybacking while we were in the water.
Wow – why so much about sunscreen? Because while it was protecting my skin from a nasty burn, I also let it get in my way. I encourage you to examine the things that stop you from doing something you enjoy. I love healthy, active relationships with my kids and grandkids. I love swimming and bodysurfing with them. Why would I let myself be controlled by a silly thought or idea? It is so easy to do, and it can shape our lives when we allow it to become a subconscious action.
Do something about it. I am pushing myself to get up when I want to sit, listen when I want to speak, and speak when I want to stay silent. Trust when I don’t want to, believe the best when the story I created is more comfortable to believe, and yes, dive into the moment and put on some more sunscreen instead of missing the moment.
“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”
Mother Teresa
With masks now a part of our daily routine, I miss seeing people’s smiles. Your smile says a lot about you. You can have a big, toothy grin or a Mona Lisa subtle wrinkle to your lip. My smile has changed from dimples in my mouth line to creases in my face and crow’s feet around my eyes. As I get older, I want to smile more than ever…even if it is covered by a mask. People know when you are smiling.
I have always been mesmerized by a smile. My mom was a practicing dental hygienist for over 30 years. If there is anyone who knows the code – brush your teeth, floss once a day and go to the dentist – it is I. To the chagrin of many, I actually enjoy visiting the dentist. There is something really cool about having that “polished” sensation when the cleaning is done.
Smiling is one of the greatest tools in a leader’s tool belt. I wasn’t very good at it when I first came to Grace Family Church. After being there for a few months, Craig pulled me aside after a morning service and said, “You need to change your face when you are walking around church. I know you are focused on getting things done but you look too intense.” In my mind, “There was always “too much to do and too few people to do it.” As I began changing my face, my attitude changed as well. I slowed down to talk to people and more importantly, to listen. As I did this, I found out that I really enjoyed hearing a person’s story and find out their gifts and talents. Ironically, as I did this, I found out there weren’t too few people serving. I was walking right past them.
A smile is universal. It can be used in joy and pain, gladness and sorrow and many times in utter “I don’t know have a clue what to do” moments. I had the wonderful opportunity to hear Andy Andrews give a three-hour presentation and one of the great nuggets from his talk was “smile when you talk.” He shared how it helps you in communicating, negotiating and in business in general.
In my business, it allows me to share the great joy I have in knowing Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I can celebrate someone else’s win and be genuine about it. I can sympathize with someone in a time of heartache and bring hope. I can recognize someone and let him know how important he or she really is. A smile has unlimited potential in all situations to unlock the key to the next step.
It also can be useful in eliminating something that gets all of us in trouble – our words. We want to say the perfect thing or we just start talking hoping we just “roll into it.” A smile is a great reason to pause and reflect before we engage our words and let everyone know what we think. James 1 says, “Be slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to anger.” If we add smiling to any or all of those three, I wonder if the results in many of our life situations would change?
A final thought – don’t let your smile become a mask. In a day where people want to look like we “have it all together”….we don’t. I don’t. I am daily seeking God to work on me, show me my weaknesses, maximize my strengths and grow. Add the daily pressures of relationships, work and unexpected curve balls – life is challenging. Don’t smile to say “I am ok and don’t need anyone.” Instead, smile and say, “I can’t do this alone and I want to invite you into my journey.” A genuine ask for help met by someone who sincerely wants to walk with you as you grow through life…
As I was praying this morning, I started to focus on our young leadership at the church. I am impressed with these young people who are growing in their relationship with God. They still do stuff that I am baffled by often. Yet, if I sit and talk with them, I am impressed. It is actually fun and talk with our students at SEU and staff who are under twenty. The future is bright.
I asked myself “What would I write in a letter to a teenager today?” Below is my letter:
Dear Teenager,
As you read this, the world is moving in many different directions. Things that seem normal today have the potential to change. How you grow and adapt with that change is imperative to your future and those around you. Becoming the leader you are called to be requires development and maturity. This will take intentional effort, time and resources. The good news is that you have all that you need to do that. You are strong, smart and more than capable of accomplishing everything before you. Below are some principles that will help you in your journey.
Learn to ask questions and more importantly, the right questions that will be a catalyst for others to grow. A person who asks questions conveys a heart that is humble and seeking growth. This is essential to anyone who wants to excel and lead others. The ability to ask the right questions is that extra step that separates good leaders from dynamic, excellent leaders. In life’s situations, take that extra moment to think and ponder all that is involved. Then, ask the questions that will “laser in” on the best growth possible. You can do this!
Learn people’s names and stories. Every person you come in contact with presents an opportunity to grow and enhance your life. It doesn’t matter if that person is young or old, similar or different, likeable or challenging – you can learn from everyone. People appreciate when someone knows their name. Do your best and you will still be miles ahead of most people. In learning someone’s story, you can use this line – “Tell me 30 seconds about your life story.” If you start by using 30 seconds of your own life, you will be amazed what they share with you. And you will be better because of it!
Learn to celebrate other people’s wins. This was a hard one for me but I love seeing some tremendous results because of it. The more you can genuinely be happy for other people when they “win”, you will be able to enjoy your own wins even more. It is healthy and keeps jealousy at bay. The world is competitive enough as it is. Genuinely celebrating someone else is a great attribute for any leader.
Have hard conversations today. As you grow, you will encounter tough situations and people. It is a part of life and the sooner you implement this principle, the more you will enjoy freedom in your leadership. You cannot blast people out of the water with sarcasm, insensitivity or just being crass. You can honestly tell them what you observe and feel about a situation. When you are honest, people know exactly where they stand with you. To me, it shows great honor to someone when you are honest with him.
Understand that you can disagree with someone and still respect them. This is a big one in our world today. I am grateful that people have different views than mine and are willing to share them. If done disrespectfully, angrily or belligerently, I have a hard time engaging. When I can have a dialogue with someone who is open to discussing the topic, then it is a time of insight and understanding that brings a new perspective. Even if I don’t agree with their views, I now see a different side of the situation. The ability to see anything from multiple views allows you to build relationship with a great variety of people.
Be curious and explore as many opportunities as you can. Not the unhealthy ones that are destructive to you but the ones that open you up in new ways. There are so many ways to learn through classes, cohorts, symposiums, online gatherings and round tables. Culturally, there are plays, concerts, museums, festivals and athletics. Travel provides so many environments like the mountains, beaches, small towns, big cities, rural towns and landmark locations. The only thing stopping you in experiencing these things is you. Explore now and find out what you enjoy so you can do more of it when life gets busier.
Finally, own and grow your relationship with God. No one can do this for you and you cannot ride your parent’s coattails in this area. You are coming to a place where you will have to determine, “What do I believe?” Take some time to really pray and determine what your core beliefs about God are centered on today. You are entering a time where they will be challenged, and you need to know what you believe before the challenge comes. When it does, stand firm.
These things have the potential to give you foundational tools to develop for the rest of your life. You may already be doing some of them or moving in the direction to really do them well. I am so proud of you as a young person who impacts so many people already. I will be watching as God continues to empower you to grow personally and be a catalyst for other’s growth.
“He who is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.” Ben Jonson
The following statements were said to me by three different wise people in my life. One was a 5-year-old child, one was a 37-year-old woman and one was a 72-year-old man. See if you can guess which one is each person.
“When something happens, I choose to find the positive or the negative.”
“Sometimes I need someone else doing something first then I am brave.”
“The Bible tells me God is with me, I don’t need to be afraid.”
Recently, I was asked to share on the principle of wise counsel in our SEU Chapel. The exercise above illustrates one of my foundational growth principles. You can learn from anyone. It doesn’t matter their age or background – every person can say or do something that presents an opportunity to grow.
Have you slowed down to listen to a 5-year-old boy standing next to the ocean looking at the waves? When have you listened to a mom at a playground watching her child navigate the monkey bars for the first time? Have you tapped into a business man’s life of experience to hear how he faces each challenge? These may be everyday situations, but their wisdom is timely and profound. Want to know if you guessed correctly – check out the end of the blog. (C’mon, read the rest first!)
The key to receiving wise counsel is you! You have people around you who can impact you profoundly. Here are some basic principles that are catalytic for you to receive wise counsel.
Be Humble – Pride stops growth.
‘But he continues to pour out more and more grace upon us. For it says, God resists you when you are proud but continually pours out grace when you are humble.”’
James 4:6
Pride says, “I got this.” Humility says, “I invite you to pour into me.” Pride says, “I will protect you – you don’t need anyone else.” Humility invites others to show you “what you don’t know.” Pride says, “I am the expert.” Humility says, “I continue to grow.” If you feel like you don’t need input from others, you are relying on your own intellect, gifts and talents. This is the starting point. You must move beyond your own comfort and arrogance to recognize that you need others to speak into your life. You have to decide what you want to allow people into. I am not asking you to be a puppet to everyone in your life. I am urging you to open the door to those you trust who can impact your life in a healthy way.
Be Curious – What do you want to know to grow?
I am constantly fascinated by things that are interesting to me and other people. My grandfather took classes at Harvard after retiring. One of the classes was based on life experiences. Each person in the class had to do a one-hour presentation on one of their “passions” in life. He said it was tremendous! They covered topics like WW II airplanes, Chinese culture, sports, gardening, music, etc. Applying this principle to my life today, here are some of the topics I am learning about today – African American History and culture, HIIT workout benefits, lake management and executive leadership.
Add to that all the people I interact with daily and I quickly recognize there is so much to learn. The key is to keep asking questions. One of my favorites is “Tell me something about yourself that will surprise me?” I usually go first and tell them that I was in the circus in college and I performed a wedding on Spanish MTV (without speaking Spanish.) It is amazing how that one question opens up a dialogue for people to share things that excite them in life. Try it out!
Be Teachable – What will you do to grow?
Are you teachable? If you came to Grace Family Church as an employee, you would recognize that this is a big question. If you are not willing to learn, adapt, change and move in new directions, you will struggle. You will be stuck in the rut of what you bring to the moment. It may be good for the moment but life continues to change. Will you learn and grow with it?
Being teachable also means that you must take choose to take action. It won’t just come to you. Make a call, write a letter, take a class, get some training. Sit with someone who has done your role and ask them questions about successes and challenges. When you find something that is “out of the norm,” learn from someone who is has done it. When my daughter, Abigail, wanted to get her certification in personal training, she took an intense course online. I was interested and joined her…at the age of forty-three and no desire to leave ministry! It was so much fun learning all the anatomy, philosophy and application of human exercise and even taking the test at the end. I have been athletic all my life, but I didn’t stop with the extent of my knowledge. I wanted more.
Be Intentional – What is your Strategy to grow.
‘Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.
Proverbs 11:14 KJV
The word “counsel” in the Hebrew means “to guide, counsel.” And the root word – “steering, directing a ship.” Imagine your life is a business. Mine would be ChrisBonham.inc. My life would have all the attributes of a business – mission statement, values, assets, liabilities, physical property and relationships. I could do my “business” and go through life making transactions that affect all of these.
Any good business also has a strategy to bring all of these together to move the organization forward. If action is good, then strategic action is effective. When you have a solid strategy and can execute that vision at the highest levels, your “business” will flourish in all of the areas above.
Jim Collins introduced the concept of a “personal board of directors” to me in a talk he shared at a Catalyst Conference. He told us to list all the areas in our lives that significantly impact us in our growth. Here are a few of mine: Relationship with God, marriage, parenting, ministry, leadership, finances, exercise, and nutrition. I found people that I trusted to become a board member that could speak into one of these areas. They brought their wisdom and expertise to my “business” and I allowed them to challenge me to grow. If you think they are a group of old men, you would be wrong. These are men and women of different ages, life positions and backgrounds. A few of them have been with me since I started it but some have changed as my life presented new demands. This has been one of the greatest tools in my life to help me grow.
Imagine your life a year from now if you have these four areas established in your life. What would it look like? Would your life reflect all that you value and desire? Would it have new levels of achievement and fulfillment. Would you enjoy an element of “fun” in your days that isn’t there right now? I believe you would.
Ok, here are the answers from above.
“When something happens, I choose to find the positive or the negative.” – 72 yr. old man.
“Sometimes I need someone else doing something first then I am brave.” – 37 yr. old mom
“The Bible tells me God is with me, I don’t need to be afraid.” – 5 yr. old adventurer
Just Add Water . Chris Bonham 