A Day in the Life of a Pastor – Insecurity is not my Friend


Insecurity is not my friend.

Not today or any other day.

I have grown so much in this area but it still challenges me more than I like. The saying that “everyone has insecurities” is probably more true than most of us would like to admit. The irony is that the same fears that would prevent us from admitting it are the same ones that keep us captive. Even as I was searching for an image for this article, I quickly noticed that there were very few pictures of men. So, it must be a female issue. I don’t think so. I have met men who have played sports at the highest level, created and run businesses, preached from the pulpit amazing sermons and many of them struggle with some form of insecurity. Its not a gender issue – it is a people issue.

There is a lot on this subject and I will break it down in future entries. Today, I will tell you how God moved me to the other side of the fence with insecurity. Before my wife wrote “Freedom,” she went through a time where God was challenging her get rid of things in her life not pleasing to Him. Then, she said to me, “I am getting rid of my junk, I think you need to do this too.” It was great when she was going through it but I wasn’t so excited about me going through this time of purging. I was content to say, “this is the way I am.” However, I took the challenge. She gave me a list of subjects and questions to pray through. I made a strong commitment to it – I would take the time after dinner when everyone would go do their thing and I would steal away with the list to pray and answer the questions. I took a whole month! I went on this amazing journey where God showed me things from my life that caused me to pick up stuff that “molded” me into the man I was. I remembered times where fear gripped me, like when I was circled up by a group of kids who wanted to beat me up. I remembered word that cut like “Daddy long legs,” “you’re not smart enough,” “have you ever considered remedial chemistry?” They seem so small now but back then they molded my thinking of who I was and what I could accomplish. I learned to adapt in situations so I was always striving to please people. At the end of the month, I had filled a notebook with stories from my life, scriptures and a strong resolve that I did not want to live like this anymore. I took the notebook and made a fire in our fire pit. I began praying over each of those situations and I did three things in each situation:

I prayed to surrender it to God.
I repented of allowing it to mold me into something contrary than the way God made me.
I forgave the individuals who did or said those things.

After it was all over, I burned the notebook.

The hollywood ending in me wants to tell you that I miraculously was set free from all that stuff. Well, I was. God, in his infinite love and power, did a house cleaning. All that junk was gone and I felt like I had a new freedom like never before. And I still do even eight years later. With this one caveat. The enemy still tries to come after me with fear, insecurity and the desire to please people. But the real win is that I am on “the other side of the fence.” I recognize what it is and I choose to follow what God’s word says and not go to the other side of the fence and let it back into my life. I don’t entertain it or play with it. And when the challenge get’s really tough, I go through the set of scriptures that helped me get free in the first place. God’s Word works!

Is it time for you to jump the fence?

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