I am writing this post in a hotel room while I am traveling. I left Monday morning to do some pastoral coaching with the Relate group. I flew to Atlanta and had an executive pastor round table. I return to Tampa late Thursday night. Kristin was home until Wednesday, when she left for the Beautiful weekend for GFC. I know God will do some amazing things in the life of the ladies. As I am in my hotel room, I see a note in Evernote…what did you do to honor your marriage today? I will not see my wife for six days – how am I supposed to honor her when we are obviously busy and apart?
The scripture on the note was Hebrews 13:4, “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” The greek word for honor in this verse is <strong>”timios,” which means, “properly, valuable as having recognized value in the eyes of the beholder.” I realize that being sexually pure is a part of this verse. That isn’t my focus today.
Let me break down the four words that jump out at me from the word “timios.”
Properly. It is a complete and thorough value. It isn’t partial, it isn’t just the good stuff. It encompasses everything about her. For me to truly value Kristin, I have to embrace all the things I love and the things that challenge me about her. While I am traveling, I really miss Kristin’s laugh. It is something that I truly love about her. I don’t miss having to do certain things to help her out around the house. One thing that she asked me to do is fill up her car with gas each week. (And she loves to drive it till the light comes on.) When I think about her, I think about all these things – the good and the bad – and I smile.
Recognized. For her value to be recognized, I must be able to identify it from knowledge of her characteristics. How do I do that? I can’t be “gone” and continue to learn more about her. Even when I am home, I can be “gone.” I have really worked hard on being “present” when we are together. (Not there totally, still working on it.) Being present allows me to know “real-time” what she is going through at the moment. We do this through daily couch time or while traveling a daily phone call or text. You can’t recognize something if you are sprinting by. You need to slow it down and listen, look and learn.
Eyes. I stopped when I saw this word. What do I see when I see my wife? Beauty, strength, grace and wisdom. (A lot more words on this list…will start with these.) I stopped because she needs to know I am “looking” out for her. She needs to know that she is valuable, she is pursued and she is empowered. Also, she needs to be in a safe environment to flourish in all that God has called her to be. All that I see in my wife stops if I do not work to create an environment of honor in our home. I do this with my thoughts, words, actions and purity. For all the times that we are not together, home and traveling, I want to express all that I cherish and see in her by honoring her to others.
Beholder. I love this one. The beholder is the one who sets the value in this definition. Here is my definition…everything. She is my greatest gift. She is one who truly makes me smile on the inside. When I step back and “behold” my wife, I take in all that she is and does and I am blown away. I love watching her with our new grandson, chatting with our kids, giving insights in leadership settings and when she teaches and prays. She signed up for the life of a pastor’s wife a long time ago – it has been a crazy awesome ride. I have watched her during the journey – and she continues to amaze.
How do I honor my marriage? I honor her…or better yet, she truly is my highest honor.