I will start with an honest confession…”I know when I am near my tipping point.”

Let me clarify.  I am not on the verge of burn out.  I am not walking around saying negative things about others.  I am not looking for a remote place to escape society and live as a hermit.  (But a week on an island in the Carribbean…hmm.)

It isn’t that I hear negative stories and life’s challenges every day.  Each person who comes in my door isn’t bringing a crisis with him.  Every call is not a rush to the hospital or condoling a grieving person through the loss of a loved one.  Every email isn’t about a financial need or a mistake made that needs to be addressed.

So what tires me out…life.  More specifically, how I and others intersect with daily life.

And here’s the kicker…it also is the thing that rejuvenates me.

In one day, I played a bad round of golf. Mowed the yard only to have the mower freeze up and had to buy a new one.  Realized I had three broken sprinkler heads that needed to be replaced.  Didn’t eat until 4pm that day.  Said good bye to a good friend and pastor whose insights I will miss. Found out another friend had cancer.  (When you hear that, it sure makes everything else you were grumbling about seem pretty small.)

But also on that day, I had a great time with my friends while playing golf.  I was glad to get the yard done and get a mower that is self propelled. (mine stopped years ago.)   I can use my reclaimed water again.  I love being outside and it was a productive day.  I was able to just hang out with some of our staff at the pastor’s going away party – no business talk.  Got to eat with Kristin at our favorite burger place.  I finished the day with prayer for my friend.  My hope in all situations is that God is able to do something BIG.

Everyday brings a new set of wins and challenges.  People bring them or I bring them on myself.  Most days are not going to set me back.  But do I get tired – yes.  But do I also see the good in those situations – yes.  When the weariness accumulates and that “see the good” outlook is challenged, I get away for a few days and recalibrate.  After twenty six years of ministry, it still works.

Two challenges for you:

1.  Recognize the challenge and good in each situation.
2. Recognize your way to recalibrate when it begins to tilt towards weariness.

Go get ’em!

 

 

 

 

 

I recently sat in a circle with the Grace Family ministry assistants. These women and men are amazing.   They bring such gifting and talent to the ministries and the people they serve. I was doing a Q & A with them about GFC, leadership and growth. I answered one of their questions with this answer, “I am curious. I always want to learn new things. You need to stay curious. Ask questions and keep learning new things.”

 

I was in fifth grade when my grandfather, Ed Williams, sat down with me to impart some life wisdom.   He told me to about the magnificence of the United States Government because it is a democracy and all its citizens have a voice. Then, he gave me advice that has stuck with me for a lifetime. “You need to learn to ask good questions.” Never forgot that lesson; I still do it everyday.

 

Then he then told me this story. He worked for Boston Gear for over 30 years. He and his wife, Virginia, raised their six kids in Hingham, Massachusetts. When he retired, he enrolled in the Seniors Program at Harvard.  He went to his class and was presented with it a syllabus…. filled with blanks. Each student in the class would sign up to be “the teacher” for a week. They could speak on any topic they wanted to share with the class. One chose Chinese Literature, another World War Two Airplanes, How to Make the Perfect Clam Chowder, etc. He told me it was one of the most amazing classes he ever took because every lesson was taught from a total passion and interest in the subject.

 

Now at 48, I remember that conversation with my brilliant grandfather so clearly. His words have reverberated in my leadership and my personal life ever since then. But one more thought has been added through the years. He went back to school after a full lifetime of leading, living and raising up others. He went back after a lifetime of work, family and love.

 

He went back and became a Harvard Man…because he was curious.

 

 

The concept of tension has been prevalent in a number of my conversations in the last few weeks. There are two predominant definitions. First there is “the state of being stretched tight.” The second is “mental, emotional or nervous strain” – the end result is strain, stress, anxiety and pressure. Let me say, both variations of tension have the potential for your good.

 

The first definition talks about you being stretched tight. A good picture would be your life as a rubber band. Laying on the table, it really is just taking up space. It is filled with potential, talents and gifting but it is just taking its natural form. If you never pushed or challenged yourselves, you could have the same effect on all the potential inside of you. It would just take its natural form. Yet, if it is put into a place of tension, you start stretching those abilities. Some go on to tremendous greatness in those areas, while others move a few paces down the road of growth. Either way, tension does not allow us to stay where we are. It causes us to grow.

 

The second definition is tough when we think of the daily tasks and challenges we face that bring tension. Mental, emotional and nervous strain can lead to legitimate concerns in your stress, anxiety and pressures you face. How can you channel the tension in these areas to make it a catalyst for growth instead of a pothole to overwhelm you?

 

I sat in a day of meetings, strategy developing and passionate discussions about the workings of the church. There was a small percentage of time based on making a good decision instead of a bad decision. I find this true in my life. Good vs bad, right vs wrong, blessing vs pain – those are a small number of decisions I make on a daily basis. The tension comes when it is good vs good, right vs right and blessing vs different form of blessing. In other words, both sides of the tension mentally, emotionally and nervous will yield great results in the end. So how do you manage that tension? Let me throw a lot of concepts at you and you decide what resonates with you.

 

• What does God’s word say?
• What is core to your values?
• What are your priorities?
• What yields you the best results?
• What brings the most peace?

 

The concept of tension is challenging. In the end, you do your best and then you have to let it go. There are many promises found in the Bible about stress, anxiety and being nervous. When we invite God into the tension, then we can say what Job profoundly spoke in Job 42:2 (NIV) – “I know that you can do all things, no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

God is Big…

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

I Corinthians 16:13,14

The scripture above was used in a fantastic sermon by Pastor Dale Brooks at GFC on a Mother’s Day.  Yet, he took the opportunity for men to understand how they should treat women in their lives. It was excellent – check it out on gfconline.com/media.

Father’s Day is here and this scripture is resonating in my heart even a year after Pastor Dale’s message.  My life is surrounded by manhood.  I am a son to a man who taught me the importance of character, honesty and hard work.  I talk with my hands like him and we have been known to shed a tear.  I am a son in law to a man who demonstrated integrity and family values in many situations where I learned and grew.  I have two biological brothers – extremely smart and both bring a unique flavor of strength and compassion to their lives.  I have three brother in laws.  Diverse as they are, their love for family is the same.  I am a father to a young man who is gifted and in tune with his relationship with God.  He is a great husband and dad…I can’t wait to see what comes next.  I have son in laws.  These men are  excellent in their love of God and what they do in life.  I am honored to watch them lead their families.  As of this writing, I have two grandsons.  They are learning to talk, swim, crawl and eat.  I watch them and I smile…and that is the men they are…they bring life and joy.

My pastor and boss is a man who is genuine, real and every bit of the leader that I aspire to be.  He has patiently watched me grow and I am the pastor I am today because of him.  I serve with a group of executive pastors – men of diverse talents, abilities and passions.  Their diversity is matched by their unity – a genuine love of God and people.  I have a personal board of men who help give me wisdom and insights into what steps I need to take…and what to avoid.  I have a life coach who has taught me the importance of being positive, looking at things from a different perspective and to forgive.  I have a few men who are not biological brothers but I value them as such.  They are family.  I do a weekly Bible study of a cast of characters – we laugh, poke and prod each other in life and what the Bible says.  But when you look them in the eye and shake their hand, they are locked in.

And there are so many more men that speak into my life through their words and actions. None of them are perfect – read the scripture at the top again…they were never asked to be.  But the other characteristics…they are doing just fine.

Way to go men!

 

 

In the last few years, I have spent some time with some of the men and women who served in our military.  Without giving their names, they served with our Navy seal teams, the Marines, the Airforce, the Army and the Coast Guard.  These men and women are amazing and humbling.  To see them out of their uniforms and living every day lives fascinates me because they have lived a life I will never know – physically, emotionally and psychologically.  To them all, I say “Thank you.”

You can imagine my honor and humility when one of them walked into our group with a box and said, “This is for the church.  I was hoping you could put it in the room where Military Small group meets.”  I opened the box.  Inside was two sheets of paper and a folded flag.  I told him we could definitely put this up in the church.  When I got to the office later that morning, I opened the box.  One paper described who Master at Arms Second Class, Michael Monsoor is and why there is a camp named after him. (Amazing bravery.)  The second was the certificate that verified that this flag was flown over Camp Monsoor in 2011. (Read the words below – powerful)

 

There is a phrase on this certificate that has been working through me pretty good.  You see it right there in the middle, boldly proclaiming “This Flag was flown in the face of the enemy…”  That flag was on display for everyone who despised and stood in opposition of it to mock, judge and ridicule.  For those who cherished it, it flew to symbolize the strength, freedom and values that we hold so dear.  It spoke of the courage it takes to maintain those hopes and dreams.  It wasn’t put in the corner of an office to adorn it for looks; it went up to the highest point of a pole and became visible for all humanity in that area to see.  It flew in the face of the enemy…

I have a Savior who I believe in without reservation who was raised on a pole one day.  Everything I wrote about the flag above, could be said of him.  I am not worthy of the countless lives of military people who gave of their life so I could live free in the United States.  I am not worthy of a Savior who sees me in my journey of growth and he gave his life for me.   But He did.  He allowed himself to be displayed and crucified before all who mocked, ridiculed, and judged him.  He flew in the face of his enemies and the ultimate enemy.

And He won.

It never gets old and never can be taken for granted.

(Four generations of Bonham Men – Chris, Casey, Graham and David)

My dad turns 75 today.

We talk once a week.  I will call my parents on Mondays as I drive to work. My biggest problem is tracking him down and getting him on the phone.  This week he was digging ditches in my mom’s garden.  Last week, he was working with his cows.  Meeting someone on a construction site.  Helping his church by administrating their books.  Each week he is doing something. My call is usually around 8:15am and he is already well into his day.

At 75, I don’t know how many more conversations we are going to get so I cherish each one.  We almost lost him a few years back when he was doing a repair and his ladder slipped off the first story roof.  He tumbled off and did some damage.  He made it and has come back strong.  So strong, he was at Abby’s wedding and gave her a big embrace before the walk down the aisle.  I don’t take for granted the moments after the accident – they are gifts.

Wisdom is important to both of us.  I ask people all the time about their wisdom on life, God, marriage or anything I think they have an expertise in because I love hearing their insights.  My dad’s I have known for a long time so I will tell you what he would say.  Two nuggets that have been etched into my brain and my heart.

First of all, use common sense.  Life is hard and has many curveballs.  Dad always brought me back to the simplicity of common sense.  In how I approached a situation, treated and valued people, sought out solutions and carried out my actions – common sense was always thread through it.  It isn’t 100% foolproof but I would have to agree that many times we make things harder than they need to be.  Taking a step back and bringing simple, common sense to most situations is going to bring a lot of momentum and a strong foundation.

His final nugget is something he will smile when he reads this – “Listen to the Lord.”  Even a pastor gets frustrated when waiting on God’s timing and plans and my dad was always quick to use this nugget on me.  Well, he is right.  I have found that listening to the Lord in good/bad/challenging/easy/perplexing/clear/frustrating and pleasing situations works.  Sometimes his voice is easy to hear and do what He says.  Sometimes, it is quiet.  In both cases, I am growing in my relationship with God and usually come out stronger in my love for Him.  Dad is right – Listening to God’s voice in your life situations allows you put your hope in a God that is limitless and you realize how big He really is.

Happy Birthday Dad.  I am calling you today…

The rain stopped and left behind another humid, sticky Florida afternoon.  The time of day where it was easier to stay indoors and enjoy the AC.  But 90 people didn’t.  And they experienced the opportunity to be at “the first.”

Grace Family Church is coming to South Tampa.  As someone who has seen this progression over the years, I know the excitement and anticipation that all of us have over this great opportunity.  The staff leading this campus are excellent and have done an amazing job of preparing for the opening this fall.  The construction is progressing along.  It never seems to go fast enough but the transformation from an abandoned supermarket into a cutting edge church is moving along.

Pastor Mike Ash told us that the next South Tampa event would be a prayer meeting at the campus a few months ago.  It was another first.  It was dusty, humid and hot…and it was awesome.  After sharing some initial thoughts, Pastor Mike sent everyone to go write scriptures or thoughts on the floors, walls…pretty much anything.  You might think – chaos, right.  Who send a bunch of people into  a construction site to graffiti up the walls on purpose?  It was pretty cool.  Some walked around praying over the entryway where brave people are going to step into a church for the first time.  Others wandered through the classrooms where the next generation will come to know Christ at an early age and grow in solid relationships with God.  Some meandered in the office areas praying for the men and women leading this church.  Many spent time in the room where the services were going to be leaving numerous thoughts and scriptures on the wall.  Kristin and I went to Casey’s office area and wrote a blessing for him as he takes on the role as Worship Leader.  Families, singles, young and old…they came and left their mark.

After a time of praying and writing, Pastor Mike gathered everyone for a short time of prayer.  A first – praying in the building together.  Then a song – another first.  And then he invited those there to meet the staff members in areas they were interested in learning more about.

The whole event took about an hour.  It took a years and months to get to this one moment.  It will be one that will be etched in my memory for a lifetime.