I recently sat in a circle with the Grace Family ministry assistants. These women and men are amazing.   They bring such gifting and talent to the ministries and the people they serve. I was doing a Q & A with them about GFC, leadership and growth. I answered one of their questions with this answer, “I am curious. I always want to learn new things. You need to stay curious. Ask questions and keep learning new things.”

I was in fifth grade when my grandfather, Ed Williams, sat down with me to impart some life wisdom.   He told me to about the magnificence of the United States Government because it is a democracy and all its citizens have a voice. Then, he gave me advice that has stuck with me for a lifetime. “You need to learn to ask good questions.” Never forgot that lesson; I still do it everyday.

Then he then told me this story. He worked for Boston Gear for over 30 years. He and his wife, Virginia, raised their six kids in Hingham, Massachusetts. When he retired, he enrolled in the Seniors Program at Harvard.  He went to his class and was presented with it a syllabus…. filled with blanks. Each student in the class would sign up to be “the teacher” for a week. They could speak on any topic they wanted to share with the class. One chose Chinese Literature, another World War Two Airplanes, How to Make the Perfect Clam Chowder, etc. He told me it was one of the most amazing classes he ever took because every lesson was taught from a total passion and interest in the subject.

Now at 48, I remember that conversation with my brilliant grandfather so clearly. His words have reverberated in my leadership and my personal life ever since then. But one more thought has been added through the years. He went back to school after a full lifetime of leading, living and raising up others. He went back after a lifetime of work, family and love.

He went back and became a Harvard Man…because he was curious.

The concept of tension has been prevalent in a number of my conversations in the last few weeks. There are two predominant definitions. First there is “the state of being stretched tight.” The second is “mental, emotional or nervous strain” – the end result is strain, stress, anxiety and pressure. Let me say, both variations of tension have the potential for your good.

The first definition talks about you being stretched tight. A good picture would be your life as a rubber band. Laying on the table, it really is just taking up space. It is filled with potential, talents and gifting but it is just taking its natural form. If you never pushed or challenged yourselves, you could have the same effect on all the potential inside of you. It would just take its natural form. Yet, if it is put into a place of tension, you start stretching those abilities. Some go on to tremendous greatness in those areas, while others move a few paces down the road of growth. Either way, tension does not allow us to stay where we are. It causes us to grow.

The second definition is tough when we think of the daily tasks and challenges we face that bring tension. Mental, emotional and nervous strain can lead to legitimate concerns in your stress, anxiety and pressures you face. How can you channel the tension in these areas to make it a catalyst for growth instead of a pothole to overwhelm you?

I sat in a day of meetings, strategy developing and passionate discussions about the workings of the church. There was a small percentage of time based on making a good decision instead of a bad decision. I find this true in my life. Good vs bad, right vs wrong, blessing vs pain – those are a small number of decisions I make on a daily basis. The tension comes when it is good vs good, right vs right and blessing vs different form of blessing. In other words, both sides of the tension mentally, emotionally and nervous will yield great results in the end. So how do you manage that tension? Let me throw a lot of concepts at you and you decide what resonates with you.

• What does God’s word say?
• What is core to your values?
• What are your priorities?
• What yields you the best results?
• What brings the most peace?

The concept of tension is challenging. In the end, you do your best and then you have to let it go. There are many promises found in the Bible about stress, anxiety and being nervous. When we invite God into the tension, then we can say what Job profoundly spoke in Job 42:2 (NIV) – “I know that you can do all things, no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

God is Big…

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.

I Corinthians 16:13,14

The scripture above was used in a fantastic sermon by Pastor Dale Brooks at GFC on a Mother’s Day.  Yet, he took the opportunity for men to understand how they should treat women in their lives. It was excellent – check it out on gfconline.com/media.

Father’s Day is here and this scripture is resonating in my heart even a year after Pastor Dale’s message.  My life is surrounded by manhood.  I am a son to a man who taught me the importance of character, honesty and hard work.  I talk with my hands like him and we have been known to shed a tear.  I am a son in law to a man who demonstrated integrity and family values in many situations where I learned and grew.  I have two biological brothers – extremely smart and both bring a unique flavor of strength and compassion to their lives.  I have three brother in laws.  Diverse as they are, their love for family is the same.  I am a father to a young man who is gifted and in tune with his relationship with God.  He is a great husband and dad…I can’t wait to see what comes next.  I have son in laws.  These men are  excellent in their love of God and what they do in life.  I am honored to watch them lead their families.  As of this writing, I have two grandsons.  They are learning to talk, swim, crawl and eat.  I watch them and I smile…and that is the men they are…they bring life and joy.

My pastor and boss is a man who is genuine, real and every bit of the leader that I aspire to be.  He has patiently watched me grow and I am the pastor I am today because of him.  I serve with a group of executive pastors – men of diverse talents, abilities and passions.  Their diversity is matched by their unity – a genuine love of God and people.  I have a personal board of men who help give me wisdom and insights into what steps I need to take…and what to avoid.  I have a life coach who has taught me the importance of being positive, looking at things from a different perspective and to forgive.  I have a few men who are not biological brothers but I value them as such.  They are family.  I do a weekly Bible study of a cast of characters – we laugh, poke and prod each other in life and what the Bible says.  But when you look them in the eye and shake their hand, they are locked in.

And there are so many more men that speak into my life through their words and actions. None of them are perfect – read the scripture at the top again…they were never asked to be.  But the other characteristics…they are doing just fine.

Way to go men!

In the last few years, I have spent some time with some of the men and women who served in our military.  Without giving their names, they served with our Navy seal teams, the Marines, the Airforce, the Army and the Coast Guard.  These men and women are amazing and humbling.  To see them out of their uniforms and living every day lives fascinates me because they have lived a life I will never know – physically, emotionally and psychologically.  To them all, I say “Thank you.”

You can imagine my honor and humility when one of them walked into our group with a box and said, “This is for the church.  I was hoping you could put it in the room where Military Small group meets.”  I opened the box.  Inside was two sheets of paper and a folded flag.  I told him we could definitely put this up in the church.  When I got to the office later that morning, I opened the box.  One paper described who Master at Arms Second Class, Michael Monsoor is and why there is a camp named after him. (Amazing bravery.)  The second was the certificate that verified that this flag was flown over Camp Monsoor in 2011. (Read the words below – powerful)

There is a phrase on this certificate that has been working through me pretty good.  You see it right there in the middle, boldly proclaiming “This Flag was flown in the face of the enemy…”  That flag was on display for everyone who despised and stood in opposition of it to mock, judge and ridicule.  For those who cherished it, it flew to symbolize the strength, freedom and values that we hold so dear.  It spoke of the courage it takes to maintain those hopes and dreams.  It wasn’t put in the corner of an office to adorn it for looks; it went up to the highest point of a pole and became visible for all humanity in that area to see.  It flew in the face of the enemy…

I have a Savior who I believe in without reservation who was raised on a pole one day.  Everything I wrote about the flag above, could be said of him.  I am not worthy of the countless lives of military people who gave of their life so I could live free in the United States.  I am not worthy of a Savior who sees me in my journey of growth and he gave his life for me.   But He did.  He allowed himself to be displayed and crucified before all who mocked, ridiculed, and judged him.  He flew in the face of his enemies and the ultimate enemy.

And He won.

It never gets old and never can be taken for granted.

(Four generations of Bonham Men – Chris, Casey, Graham and David)

My dad turns 75 today.

We talk once a week.  I will call my parents on Mondays as I drive to work. My biggest problem is tracking him down and getting him on the phone.  This week he was digging ditches in my mom’s garden.  Last week, he was working with his cows.  Meeting someone on a construction site.  Helping his church by administrating their books.  Each week he is doing something. My call is usually around 8:15am and he is already well into his day.

At 75, I don’t know how many more conversations we are going to get so I cherish each one.  We almost lost him a few years back when he was doing a repair and his ladder slipped off the first story roof.  He tumbled off and did some damage.  He made it and has come back strong.  So strong, he was at Abby’s wedding and gave her a big embrace before the walk down the aisle.  I don’t take for granted the moments after the accident – they are gifts.

Wisdom is important to both of us.  I ask people all the time about their wisdom on life, God, marriage or anything I think they have an expertise in because I love hearing their insights.  My dad’s I have known for a long time so I will tell you what he would say.  Two nuggets that have been etched into my brain and my heart.

First of all, use common sense.  Life is hard and has many curveballs.  Dad always brought me back to the simplicity of common sense.  In how I approached a situation, treated and valued people, sought out solutions and carried out my actions – common sense was always thread through it.  It isn’t 100% foolproof but I would have to agree that many times we make things harder than they need to be.  Taking a step back and bringing simple, common sense to most situations is going to bring a lot of momentum and a strong foundation.

His final nugget is something he will smile when he reads this – “Listen to the Lord.”  Even a pastor gets frustrated when waiting on God’s timing and plans and my dad was always quick to use this nugget on me.  Well, he is right.  I have found that listening to the Lord in good/bad/challenging/easy/perplexing/clear/frustrating and pleasing situations works.  Sometimes his voice is easy to hear and do what He says.  Sometimes, it is quiet.  In both cases, I am growing in my relationship with God and usually come out stronger in my love for Him.  Dad is right – Listening to God’s voice in your life situations allows you put your hope in a God that is limitless and you realize how big He really is.

Happy Birthday Dad.  I am calling you today…

The rain stopped and left behind another humid, sticky Florida afternoon.  The time of day where it was easier to stay indoors and enjoy the AC.  But 90 people didn’t.  And they experienced the opportunity to be at “the first.”

Grace Family Church is coming to South Tampa.  As someone who has seen this progression over the years, I know the excitement and anticipation that all of us have over this great opportunity.  The staff leading this campus are excellent and have done an amazing job of preparing for the opening this fall.  The construction is progressing along.  It never seems to go fast enough but the transformation from an abandoned supermarket into a cutting edge church is moving along.

Pastor Mike Ash told us that the next South Tampa event would be a prayer meeting at the campus a few months ago.  It was another first.  It was dusty, humid and hot…and it was awesome.  After sharing some initial thoughts, Pastor Mike sent everyone to go write scriptures or thoughts on the floors, walls…pretty much anything.  You might think – chaos, right.  Who send a bunch of people into  a construction site to graffiti up the walls on purpose?  It was pretty cool.  Some walked around praying over the entryway where brave people are going to step into a church for the first time.  Others wandered through the classrooms where the next generation will come to know Christ at an early age and grow in solid relationships with God.  Some meandered in the office areas praying for the men and women leading this church.  Many spent time in the room where the services were going to be leaving numerous thoughts and scriptures on the wall.  Kristin and I went to Casey’s office area and wrote a blessing for him as he takes on the role as Worship Leader.  Families, singles, young and old…they came and left their mark.

After a time of praying and writing, Pastor Mike gathered everyone for a short time of prayer.  A first – praying in the building together.  Then a song – another first.  And then he invited those there to meet the staff members in areas they were interested in learning more about.

The whole event took about an hour.  It took a years and months to get to this one moment.  It will be one that will be etched in my memory for a lifetime.

Jesus fought wrong.

If you watch the movie, Rocky (preferably 1- IV, still haven’t figured out V), you will get the formula for preparing for a fight.  First, you need to be an underdog.  You need a life circumstance that is bigger than you.  You find some unusual ways to train your body and push yourself to newer levels.  Finally, you need a theme song (Aka Eye of the Tiger), that will play in your mind while enduring the numbing pain inflicted by your foe.

Jesus didn’t do any of that.

Jesus is getting ready for his first showdown with the devil.  Matthew 4:1 -11 is preceded by Jesus getting baptized.  His actions of submission and obedience are exemplified when it says, “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.” (3:17 NLT)  With all that momentum behind him, he moves into position to take on the challenger.  And directly proceeds to fast for forty days and becomes hungry.  (Not “Eye of the Tiger” hungry – more of like happy for a crust of bread hungry.)

Fascinating isn’t it?  If I am going to do a hard workout, I add extra to my breakfast; Jesus pushes away the plate.  I train to build myself up; Jesus empties himself.  I study my challenge; Jesus spends time with God.  I write a plan in my mind; Jesus writes the scriptures on his heart.  I work all this to peak at the right time; Jesus comes to the battle at the lowest physical state possible – tired, hungry and weak.

There are thousands of sermons on this story – many which explain all that.  Let me give you the thought that jumped out to me.  Recognizing and living out of my weakness actually makes me stronger.  What would Jesus do if his encounter with the devil was right after his baptism, full of energy, strength and all the momentum in the world behind him?  Would he be so quick to rely on the scriptures or would he do something in his own strength?  Would he rely on his own power and not the strength of his Father?  Would his boast be in God or in his own ability?

Its an interesting lesson that Paul describes later in 2 Cor. 12:9-10:

Powerful tears stream down my cheeks.

I finished watching an hour documentary on Lt. Michael Murphy – a decorated war hero who was killed when his team was on the front line.  The documentary flowed through his childhood, through his training, his death and how life goes on afterwards.

It is strange to see someone’s life who you never met and yet feel so grateful that he (and so many others who remain in secret) do their daily tasks so America can remain free.  I have never served in the military. I have never had to face an enemy.  I will never know what our troops live with in their memories.  I cannot describe what it is like put my life on the line.

I have spent some time with our military men in the last few years.  I have found that you could take their name patches off and they would be very similar.  Every time I say “Thank you for your service,” they say, “It was my pleasure,”  “It was my duty,” or “It was my honor.”  This attitude of service is genuine and it always catches me when I hear it.  I have talked with Vietnam, WWII, Gulf War and modern day military veterans and those who currently serve.  They are all true heroes.

As a pastor, you would expect me to make a correlation to God or Christianity.  I could – it is so easy to find numerous analogies and stories.  Not today.

Just “Thank you men and women in our military.”

Thank you.

Judith Glaser in her book, “Conversational Intelligence,” writes about the connection between the body’s neurological system and how we interact with people.  It is an academic read about the inner workings of our brain and body systems that validate our ability to build relationships with others.  My “very loose” interpretation so far – “Where there is trust, there is peace.  Where there is distrust, we build stories.”

Relationship is one of the hardest things for people.  Glaser’s book breaks down the body’s intricacies for us to find and develop meaningful relationships.  Even if we don’t know all the medical jargon, we intuitively know the cost of building a solid relationship.  And yes, it does cost something.

“Where there is trust, there is peace.”  (My words, not the authors.)  Even though Glaser gives all the documentation how our bodies are triggered in building solid relationships, you and I instinctually know when we connect with someone.  Something in you finds something in common, similar likes, things you agree on, a personality trait or you just like being around them.  I interact with a lot of people and it still amazes me how I can meet someone for the first time and think, “I like that person.  That is a friend.”  When we feel good about someone, we begin to establish trust.   We begin to give them latitude in our interactions and the foundation for a solid relationship is established.  We are at peace in that relationship because we know they will not “hurt” us.

“Where there is distrust, we build stories.” (Again, me pontificating at a high level.)  Glaser says this, “When what we say, what we hear, and what we mean are not in agreement, we retreat into our heads and make up stories that help us reconcile the discrepancies.”  This really nailed me.  I do this all the time.  When I meet someone or a relationship goes south, I begin to build a story  in my mind about them.  “They think they are better than me,” “They live in a bubble and don’t know reality,” “It’s all about them,” “They don’t care about others,” and “If they really cared about me, they would…”  Isn’t it amazing how one turn south and the stories flood our mind.  Over time, stories left unchecked or not confronted, turn into novels.  We write multi volume stories about a person and we dismiss them.

I know – you aren’t going to be friends with everyone.  Let me challenge this – It is easier to build a story and a novel which leads to a dismissal than to find a way to establish trust and build a solid relationship. There are some relationships that need to be dismissed but I think there are so many more that need to saved.

Imagine what your day would look like if you today you fought for relationships and stopped building stories?

After my study of grace, I find myself mulling over a bible story that continues to challenge me.  Like turning a diamond in a light, it continues to bring new aspects of love and grace.  Here is one of those nuggets.

John 8:1-11 tells the story of the woman caught in adultery.  The overview is that the woman was guilty, the law said she should have been stoned to death, the leaders wanted to test Jesus, the mob scene is at fever pitch and Jesus stoops down to the ground and starts writing.  What if we played the game of freeze frame and we brought the scene to this level of violence, chaos and emotion and then froze the clip?  Who in their right mind would say, “Oh, I know, Jesus is going to begin to write on the ground and everything will be ok?”  It is one of the most preposterous actions to a bad situation.

This course of action inflamed the leaders even more and they continued to ask him, “What do you say that we do?”  He wrote some more and finally stood up and said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7)  And he went back to the ground and more writing.

There is so much to this story but here is one question that I am wrestling with in my heart and mind?

Would I have a stone in my hand?

It was a straight forward law.  She was guilty.  The leaders were doing what the law said.  What good is a law if it isn’t enforceable?  Shouldn’t we expect people to do what is right?

Jesus’s grace continues to baffle me.  As much as I want to confront the right vs wrong issue of this story.  I am more puzzled by the writing (we all want to know what he was writing) and the fact that he went to the ground and did it.

The Son of God, who was present when all the universe was created, who now sits at God’s right hand wrote in the dirt.  The one man to walk the earth without without sin and had the “right” to stand tall, stooped down on behalf of someone who knowingly committed a sin.  The King of King, Lord of Lords and the name in which every knee will bow – he bowed his knee first to write in the dirt on the behalf of a lady, who was guilty of sin and deserved death.

Yes, He did.

Before you think, “That is one lucky lady,” remember that Jesus “got low” for you and I as well.  When Jesus kneeled in the garden and asked the Lord for another way and still obeyed the plan to go to the cross, he was pretty low.  He didn’t write in the dirt on that day but when they laid him down in the dirt to nail him to the cross, he wrote a love that could never wash away.  When in death, they laid him in a tomb, he paid the ultimate price in the darkness of a grave.

As low as Jesus ever got, the good news is that he rose up.  Like the woman caught in adultery, when Jesus arose, he got up ushering in forgiveness, restoration and a new path. We are that woman – caught in our sin, no escape, a savior who stooped down on our behalf and then rose up in victory.

That is grace…wow, that is grace.