No, “EST” is not a personality or a leadership test determination.  It doesn’t tell you that I am outgoing or introverted, my favorite color or even if I am going to be a good “fit” for your team.  It came out of a quick conversation I had with one of our pastors.  He said, “I realized that I am not the smartest or the wisest person in the room.  There will always be someone smarter and wiser.”

I appreciated their humble approach to learning.  It got me thinking – “Do I consider myself an “est” – the best at something.  Fastest, smartest, prettiest, funniest, quietest, loudest, and then put “best” in front of anything.  All our lives, we quest to be the best at areas that are important to us.  As a young adult, I wanted to be the best at things.  I ran track and worked hard at it.  I was fast but not fast enough to make it to the state track meet.  I was smart and received an academic scholarship to USF.  But, I wasn’t smart enough to finish with an “A” GPA.  Even now, I can sing but I don’t even rank in the top three of my family members who can sing.

But, I have this drive to be the best I can be when I pursue something.  I think it is healthy to want to excel at anything you do.  Like most, I imagine that creates a great tension in your life.  Here is how I resolved it:

I am not an “EST,” I am a “ME.”

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.  Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)  

Four things God says in His word.  

(1)  I knew you

(2) I formed you

(3) I set you apart

(4) I appointed you for a purpose

In the end, I really am an “EST.”  I am an “EST” at being “ME.”  Keep being an “EST” at being “YOU.”

 

 

“Do the hard thing.” 

What was your reaction the first time you read this statement?  Was it loathe and frustration?  For many of us, it is not something that makes you want to “get to it.”  Or was your reaction one of interest and intrigue?  It causes you to ponder philosophically about what makes something difficult or challenging?  Finally, was your reaction one of determination and challenge?  In your mind, it’s time…time to get it done.

If you said, “Yes,” to any of the three above, you are ready to read this nugget.  Here it is:

“Do the hard thing or the hard thing will do you in.”

My wife says, “Do the hard thing,” often to our family and at work.  I love this phrase and have been mulling over it since the first time I heard her say it.  I came up with the second phrase because it is true.  There are no free passes in getting the results you want.  I believe God can do miracles and divinely intervene in our lives but I don’t want to live my life expecting a miracle in every area.

I believe one principle that God honors is “sowing and reaping.”  “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”  Galatians 6:7 (NLT)  If you were to list the most important things in your life today, I bet in each of those areas, there are hard things to be done.  You want to grow in your relationship with your spouse, there are things you can do to honor their love language and needs.  If you want great kids, you need to examine your approach to respect, discipline, relationships and entertainment.  If you want to see fitness results, what are can you change in your diet and workouts to see the goal fulfilled.   If you want impact your employment, what are you doing to bring value to the organization that no one else can do?  If you want to grow in your relationship with God, what are you willing to surrender that you have held onto for so long?  

We live in a fast paced world that demands instant satisfaction.  The hard thing requires time, effort and consistency.  The true results in any of the fore mentioned areas are not “overnight” wonders.  How important is that goal or result to you?  When you determine that, you will determine whether you are ready to do the hard thing…I believe you are!

 

I love doing life with my wife, Kristin,  everyday.  She is beautiful, smart, funny and she has this really cool laugh that makes me smile.  We have been married for twenty-six years!  We were both twenty years old when we got married.  Being so young, we have experienced some of the greatest years of our lives together.  You would think that after all that time, I had learned everything…

I get up very early.  When Kristin and I were first married, I worked the PreLoad shift at UPS which started at 4am.  Since then, I have always been an early morning person.  One morning, I was preparing for my day and Kristin came down by the dining room, where I work.  Let me digress by saying that Kristin is not a morning person.  She is a night person in every sense of the word.  The joke usually goes, “If you need ministry before 9pm, call Chris, if you need it after that, call Kristin.”  We make a great team.  Back to the story…Seeing Kristin awake, I am so surprised and excited, I say, “Kristin, I am so glad you are up!   I wanted to tell you about…”  There is a pause there because Kristin has put her hand up like a traffic cop and says in the most stern, yet loving voice, “Chris, where in twenty-six years of marriage, do you think that I want to talk to you at this time of day.”  She turns and goes back to bed.  The next day, my bible time includes this passage, “A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse!” Prov. 27:14 (NLT).  I had to tell Kristin that she was actually being biblically correct.  (I did wait until she got up at her normal time.)

I smile as I am writing all this…it’s what makes married life fun.  Is it time for you to look at your marriage with a smile and be grateful for the good times today?

 

 

This past weekend was a tough one.

I received the news about fifty minutes before the morning service was to begin. A good friend was gone.  It shook me to the core. I raced to get all the information and then put it “on the back burner.”   I had a full morning of services, responsibilities and people to serve. One of the hardest lessons I learned early into my ministry career is that you will have to put grief and mourning on hold as you lead other people through their own journey. I still find time to grieve but it is on my own.

I have faced some difficult situations in my life. When people pass away, it causes everyone to stop, evaluate and ask questions. Even when they have lived a full life, losing a loved one is a unique, difficult journey.  Even when people are facing life threatening challenges like cancer, it is intense.  Our minds race through all the scenarios and it is hard to focus on the good as much as the bad.  Sometimes, life is just hard.

One of the toughest messages I ever had to preach was the funeral of a little boy who died of cancer.  As I struggled with loss itself (he was very close to our family), I found a principle that I have implemented into my spiritual walk when things get tough.

On the day Jesus Christ was crucified in the most heinous death in history… it was the worst day in the history of the world.  A perfect, innocent man willingly died for the sins of the world.  He was mocked, beaten and ridiculed before dying in the cruelest forms of torture and death. His mother saw it first hand, while those who followed closest to him abandoned him except one.  His enemies rejoiced in a false victory.  He even felt the isolation and loneliness of separation from God.  On that day, not one person ran to the cross and said, “Thank you for the Jesus’ death on the cross.”  Three days later, hope began to spring when the tomb was revealed empty.  Later we read, that same death proclaimed by the apostles throughout the book of Acts drawing men and women into a relationship with God.  History tells of the life and death of Christ being preached and celebrated.  It is because of the worst day in history, that you can have the greatest day in your history.  And today, the symbol of the worst day in history, is actually the symbol of the greatest victory in the history of mankind.   The cross is the bridge for man to have a relationship with God.

With a relationship with God, you can face life’s toughest situations with hope, peace and love.  Situations are still difficult and painful.  They still are a journey that takes time, reflection and community to walk through.  Yet, when you merge hope, peace and love into life’s toughest challenges, God does amazing things.

 

 

“Attack the problem…not the people.”  

This phrase has been circulating around for a long time.  When it makes its way back to me, it usually is because of a situation that has grown to be more than it should be.  It usually involves someone’s strong desire for action that someone else hasn’t fulfilled. (Big key to the problem – if it was on the person themselves, they would have done it.)  There usually isn’t a dialogue about why the expectation wasn’t fulfilled.  There is a lot of speculation about the mind-set and reasoning behind the failure.

I have heard the phrase, “I am personally offended.” a couple of times in my life.  Details are not important, but my response one of the times is. The person felt like the team let them down and went on a monologue about it.  They ended their summation up with that phrase, “I am personally offended.”  I respect them as a leader, they  are tremendously talented in so many ways.  Yet, when they went on this rant and ended it with that statement, I lost it.  I asked them how they can make this personal.  If it is  leadership issue, lead through it.  If it is an attitude issue, work to adjust the attitude.  If it is a lack of effort, check your motivations. If it is a communications break down, then work to build a bridge of better communication.  Finally, if it is your own personal disappointment, you will need to forgive and move forward.

It might seem like I am a “robo pastor” – unfeeling and caring about people’s emotions.  That is far from the truth.  I hurt and feel like most people.  I just see too many people; talented, gifted and amazing people get stuck in one of these “offense eddys” and they don’t get out of it.  They change their routines and leadership to accommodate  a spirit of offense and hurt.  This isn’t even a Christian issue.  You see it in all forms of business and commerce.  Yet, when we look beneath the surface, we see people driven by hurts and pain.

What would your world look like if you were to go beneath the surface and deal with the offenses that shape your approach to life’s challenges?  What would attacking problems instead of people change your view of your day?  I can tell you what it could look like…Freedom!

 

 

“All true spiritual leadership,” writes John Piper in The Marks of a Spiritual Leader, “has its roots in desperation.” The spirit of the true Christian leader is not, “I’m up for the task,” but, “Who is sufficient for these things?” (2 Corinthians 2:16).

                                                            -Excerpt from Desiring God Blog, John Piper

 

Great thought! Great quote! Great Challenge!

 

When was the last time you were desperate? I remember a time when we took our family to swim at the natural spring in my parent’s neighborhood. They had a dock about 25 yards out and all the kids were out there. One of the girls got cold and didn’t want to swim back. She wasn’t too big so I said she could ride on my shoulders as I swam back. The spring is 72 degrees year round and for some reason, she got splashed in the face on the way back. This caused her to panic and put a stranglehold on me that caused me to go under. I was trying to keep us both up and free her hands off my neck. I got desperate really quick. I was literally walking on the bottom of the spring and saw the wall of the dock underwater. Finally, I “leapt” underwater to the wall and got us both above the water and back to safety.

When is the last time I approached my leadership – spiritual or professional – with a desperate dependence on God? I do recognize my gifts and talents, but they are still limited. When I am facing problems and challenges, I have amazing resources of people, information and tools to give me the best answers possible. Did I ask God for his input? Do I recognize that God might want to go another way? Am I exemplifying a Christ like heart?   Christ exemplified a desperate leadership.   So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.  (John 5:19)  

Leadership causes us us stand alone many times…it just doesn’t mean we have to do it alone.    I find great wisdom, strength and compassion in my relationship with God.  What the world might look at as a crutch, I look at pillars embedded into my personal foundation.  When facing situations and questions, I cannot imagine approaching it alone.  If Jesus did not do it alone (God, disciples and followers), why should I feel like I have got to isolate myself.

It is a healthy desperation that says, “Lord, I need you now more than ever.”

 

 

In the fall of 2003, I was on the cusp of getting into shape. I was always the one who was lean and athletic. The key word in that sentence is “was.” My metabolism changed and my eating habits didn’t. Life was racing forward with Kristin, three kids entering into their teens and a church that was hitting its stride in exceptional growth.   I decided it was time to do something radical to get back into shape. I decided it was time to run a marathon.

 

I went on line and got a 16-week training program. I began to look at my eating habits. I went to the running store and bought two pairs of running shoes (you have to alternate pairs so you don’t damage your feet – crazy huh?) I bought portable lights that blink in the darkness so you can be seen by drivers who think you are nuts at 4am in the morning.

 

I was all in –  targeting the end of January 2004 – the Disney Marathon. It was a described as a “magical experience through four of Disney’s kingdoms that will propel you to the finish line.” I found a couple from our church that had done it the year before. We became training partners and encouraged each other to keep at it, even when we were too tired or sore from the week of training.

 

Fast forward to mile marker 21. I had run over 700 miles in preparing for the race and never experienced cramps. I did on that day. At mile marker 14, my calves began to cramp up and I never ran a full mile the rest of the way. I would run as far as I could and then walk out the cramp. I had a great time going at mile 13…that was going away quickly. I gutted it out and I crested the hill to see Kristin, my three kids and my training partners’ kids all at mile marker 21. I was pretty beat up and mentally exhausted. As I got to my kids, they were cheering and dancing, celebrating my accomplishment of running so far. Kristin came up and hugged me. As she did, I broke inside and said, “I can’t do this. I am done.” She acted like she heard me wrong and before she could say something, I said, “I am done, Kris.” She stepped back and I could tell she was thinking. Then she sprang forward, sticking her finger in my face and yelling, “Don’t quit! Don’t quit! Don’t quit! You will never be able to live with it if you quit.”

 

It was just a race. I definitely was not going to win it. I wasn’t going to have a “Cinderella story.” (no pun intended)   I still had 5.2 miles to go. You know the end– I finished the race. I ended with a decent time, a cool medal and a memory that I will never forget.

 

I think of that moment on mile marker 21 every now and then. You were created to go farther than you ever thought you could. Greg Surratt, in sharing at Grace Family, started his message with this phrase; “You were created for so much more.” You might not be ready to quit – Good! But can I challenge in a different way? Do not settle for mile marker 21.   It is good, a solid accomplishment, something noteworthy, you moved forward, you left the crowd behind you, you are so far down the road. You just aren’t finished…Keep going!

The finish line is just down that road…”Don’t quit! Don’t quit! Don’t quit!”

 

 

 

 

 

I took up the game of golf two years ago. I played all my life and never took a lesson…which was quite apparent. After much persuasion by my boss who shoots a single digit handicap, I bought in and joined the ranks of an earnest golfer. I took six lessons, bought golf clothes and began hitting the practice range. I have learned some great nuggets in my life…here you go.

 

• You can miss it by an inch and the results are a mile.

 

• Yes! The quality of your clubs does make a difference.

 

• When you are in the “zone” – be grateful. You are one swing away from being “out of the zone.”

 

• You will never get better if you don’t follow the rules of scoring.

 

• If you think you have integrity, hit a ball out-of-bounds by three feet and sink your approach shot from 60 yards out. How you score it will let you know.

 

• You really can build great relationships on the golf course if you can laugh at yourself first, others second.

 

• God doesn’t answer a prayer about my golf game. He did answer all my prayers about humility.

 

• I have learned to enjoy the beauty of a golf course – built to challenge physically and mentally. Yet, dawn in serenity is still jaw dropping amazing!

 

• I rarely bring my phone with me…the clubhouse can find me.

 

• Bring snacks! As many times as I swing a club, I need sustenance…lots of sustenance.

 

• I call my wife on the way home…thankful for the opportunity to play, conquer, be humbled and be reminded that she loves me even when I am beaten.

 

• Humility comes when you are the fourth best player in the foursome.

 

• Scariest moment is teeing off on #1 and the group behind you pulls up to watch.

 

• “Golf is a game that is meant to be played…not to be won.” Baggar Vance, The Legend of Baggar Vance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kristin and I have a standing joke…ok, it’s my joke and she just puts up with it. Since she took over the Women’s Ministry at Grace Family, I have asked if I could speak at the Beautiful Women’s Retreat. I tell her that I have a “word” that would change the life of all the women. One day, after telling the joke, I was struck with the thought, “what if she takes me up on my challenge; what would I say.” The following days were an amazing journey and it nailed me…because I have been praying the sermon for the last 24 years since Taylor and Abby were born.

 

Taylor and Abby are smart, beautiful, love God and love people. I am a better man because of them. They each have their own unique expression of love, life, humor, honor and respect. I often listen to them and wonder how they have accomplished so much in a short time. I am proud to be their dad. When Taylor was told in first grade that a boy liked her, my prayer for their future husbands went into a different gear. Here are the three things I prayed for them since they were very young.

 

That they will be valued. Value takes on many different forms but the bottom line is that I want them to be put in a place of extreme value. I raised them with that mentality – they are worth every bit of my time, finances, prayer, conversations, wisdom and blessings. They are created to make an impact and accomplish the purposes that God has for them. They are valued by Kristin and I, their family, their friends and God himself. I pray they will walk with that value in their own minds. Married or unmarried, every woman should be valued by those in her inner circle.

 

That they will be pursued. Every woman deserves to be pursued in a healthy, honoring way. I believe in the importance of the man code my parents instilled in me as a young man. I will be chivalrous, serve my wife, and find ways to show her that I still consider her #1 in my life. I want that for my daughters. Pursuit is not physical or aggressive – it is honor, respect and saying “You are worth it.” Even so, there is an attraction that says “above everyone else – you get my affection.”

 

That they will be empowered. I have yet to meet someone (man or woman) who was created without gifts and talents. Taylor has amazing creative skills and Abby has a heart of hospitality and a love for people that blows me away. Why would I ever want a relationship to diminish all that God has poured into them? Instead, I want a person to continue to unveil those qualities and put my girl in a place to flourish. They are created to lead and serve others. They should to continue to do this while joining the vision of their spouse.

 

My prayer for my daughters is what I strive to do for their mom. It might not make it to the Beautiful retreat, but the sermon beats in my heart each day.

I always appreciate hearing a person’s response after reading my blog.  One of the nicest compliments I receive is when someone says, “I like your transparency.”  There are a number of misconceptions about ministers.  Things like:

• God answers all your prayers
• I can hear God’s voice in each situation
• I do not experience disappointment and pain in my relationship with God
• I do not sin
• I don’t ever get into a funk

Even writing this short list, I am chuckling…none of that is true….at all!

Presently, I am going through a tremendously busy time in my life.  If you read an earlier post, I am an executive pastor at a church that believes in creating opportunities for people to accept Christ.  We do that through weekend services, events, small groups, classes, etc.  Being a leader in that atmosphere means that there are always “moving parts” in your professional life.  I have been a part of two weddings in my household in the last six months.  It is not all intense – I have enjoyed some trips away from the routine to relax and refresh.  It’s just busy.

Here is where I get into a funk.  All this time, I have been wrestling with a couple of questions and situations in my own journey.  Like many other people, I can see all the pro’s and con’s and do the math about how these play out.  I can run all the scenarios and what they  yield in the end.   I envision how people are affected by those steps and what it will do to them in the long run.  I ask God to show me what I need to learn and how I can convert that into growth in my own life.  (When others don’t do the same thing, I get disappointed.)  I try to foresee what is coming next and anticipate future situations.  After while, it get’s me into a funk.  I get bummed out, discouraged and I question what is God doing in these situations.

So, some would expect that as a minister, God gives me a verse or a profound step to get out of the funk.  He doesn’t do this.  Nor does a worship song play in my life, like a movie sound track or a supernatural appearance of an angel happen.  Instead, this is how I get out of a funk.  I have a couple of catalysts that help me climb out.  One, is my own personal time with God.  Even when it feels like I am hitting a “brass ceiling,” I keep my time with Him consistently.  Also, I have a circle of people who speak into my life and challenge me. (My wife, my personal board and a close circle of people who just “get me.”)  Finally, I have to make the choice to “get out of the funk.”  You can point all the fingers you want, tell how unfair the situation is, and take the role of “victim” until you wear yourself out.

It is at that point, I encourage you to take two steps.  Choose to take a step forward and go back to your foundation.  Here is how how I go back to the foundation.  I know that God is for me and not against me.  He loves me right where I am at and doesn’t want me to stay there.  I know that I do not walk alone in these situations and that He is Big.  I know what brings true happiness and joy in my life.  Finally, I know what my purpose and calling is today.  (If God wants to change that, He will let me know.)

Are you in a funk today?  Maybe, you’ve been in one in the past.  Go back to the basics of what you believe.  Life changes and moves fast all the time – He doesn’t!