Powerful tears stream down my cheeks.

I finished watching an hour documentary on Lt. Michael Murphy – a decorated war hero who was killed when his team was on the front line.  The documentary flowed through his childhood, through his training, his death and how life goes on afterwards.

It is strange to see someone’s life who you never met and yet feel so grateful that he (and so many others who remain in secret) do their daily tasks so America can remain free.  I have never served in the military. I have never had to face an enemy.  I will never know what our troops live with in their memories.  I cannot describe what it is like put my life on the line.

I have spent some time with our military men in the last few years.  I have found that you could take their name patches off and they would be very similar.  Every time I say “Thank you for your service,” they say, “It was my pleasure,”  “It was my duty,” or “It was my honor.”  This attitude of service is genuine and it always catches me when I hear it.  I have talked with Vietnam, WWII, Gulf War and modern day military veterans and those who currently serve.  They are all true heroes.

As a pastor, you would expect me to make a correlation to God or Christianity.  I could – it is so easy to find numerous analogies and stories.  Not today.

Just “Thank you men and women in our military.”

Thank you.

Judith Glaser in her book, “Conversational Intelligence,” writes about the connection between the body’s neurological system and how we interact with people.  It is an academic read about the inner workings of our brain and body systems that validate our ability to build relationships with others.  My “very loose” interpretation so far – “Where there is trust, there is peace.  Where there is distrust, we build stories.”

Relationship is one of the hardest things for people.  Glaser’s book breaks down the body’s intricacies for us to find and develop meaningful relationships.  Even if we don’t know all the medical jargon, we intuitively know the cost of building a solid relationship.  And yes, it does cost something.

“Where there is trust, there is peace.”  (My words, not the authors.)  Even though Glaser gives all the documentation how our bodies are triggered in building solid relationships, you and I instinctually know when we connect with someone.  Something in you finds something in common, similar likes, things you agree on, a personality trait or you just like being around them.  I interact with a lot of people and it still amazes me how I can meet someone for the first time and think, “I like that person.  That is a friend.”  When we feel good about someone, we begin to establish trust.   We begin to give them latitude in our interactions and the foundation for a solid relationship is established.  We are at peace in that relationship because we know they will not “hurt” us.

“Where there is distrust, we build stories.” (Again, me pontificating at a high level.)  Glaser says this, “When what we say, what we hear, and what we mean are not in agreement, we retreat into our heads and make up stories that help us reconcile the discrepancies.”  This really nailed me.  I do this all the time.  When I meet someone or a relationship goes south, I begin to build a story  in my mind about them.  “They think they are better than me,” “They live in a bubble and don’t know reality,” “It’s all about them,” “They don’t care about others,” and “If they really cared about me, they would…”  Isn’t it amazing how one turn south and the stories flood our mind.  Over time, stories left unchecked or not confronted, turn into novels.  We write multi volume stories about a person and we dismiss them.

I know – you aren’t going to be friends with everyone.  Let me challenge this – It is easier to build a story and a novel which leads to a dismissal than to find a way to establish trust and build a solid relationship. There are some relationships that need to be dismissed but I think there are so many more that need to saved.

Imagine what your day would look like if you today you fought for relationships and stopped building stories?

After my study of grace, I find myself mulling over a bible story that continues to challenge me.  Like turning a diamond in a light, it continues to bring new aspects of love and grace.  Here is one of those nuggets.

John 8:1-11 tells the story of the woman caught in adultery.  The overview is that the woman was guilty, the law said she should have been stoned to death, the leaders wanted to test Jesus, the mob scene is at fever pitch and Jesus stoops down to the ground and starts writing.  What if we played the game of freeze frame and we brought the scene to this level of violence, chaos and emotion and then froze the clip?  Who in their right mind would say, “Oh, I know, Jesus is going to begin to write on the ground and everything will be ok?”  It is one of the most preposterous actions to a bad situation.

This course of action inflamed the leaders even more and they continued to ask him, “What do you say that we do?”  He wrote some more and finally stood up and said, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7)  And he went back to the ground and more writing.

There is so much to this story but here is one question that I am wrestling with in my heart and mind?

Would I have a stone in my hand?

It was a straight forward law.  She was guilty.  The leaders were doing what the law said.  What good is a law if it isn’t enforceable?  Shouldn’t we expect people to do what is right?

Jesus’s grace continues to baffle me.  As much as I want to confront the right vs wrong issue of this story.  I am more puzzled by the writing (we all want to know what he was writing) and the fact that he went to the ground and did it.

The Son of God, who was present when all the universe was created, who now sits at God’s right hand wrote in the dirt.  The one man to walk the earth without without sin and had the “right” to stand tall, stooped down on behalf of someone who knowingly committed a sin.  The King of King, Lord of Lords and the name in which every knee will bow – he bowed his knee first to write in the dirt on the behalf of a lady, who was guilty of sin and deserved death.

Yes, He did.

Before you think, “That is one lucky lady,” remember that Jesus “got low” for you and I as well.  When Jesus kneeled in the garden and asked the Lord for another way and still obeyed the plan to go to the cross, he was pretty low.  He didn’t write in the dirt on that day but when they laid him down in the dirt to nail him to the cross, he wrote a love that could never wash away.  When in death, they laid him in a tomb, he paid the ultimate price in the darkness of a grave.

As low as Jesus ever got, the good news is that he rose up.  Like the woman caught in adultery, when Jesus arose, he got up ushering in forgiveness, restoration and a new path. We are that woman – caught in our sin, no escape, a savior who stooped down on our behalf and then rose up in victory.

That is grace…wow, that is grace.

“The key to winning is poise under stress.”  Paul Brown

This quote has been resonating in my mind the last few days.  Recent events in sports has brought this principle to light.  Lot of finger pointing about who did this, who said this and why they were wrong.

You don’t see anyone pointing fingers at themselves.

There is one thing I can assure is going to happen with all athletes, high achievers and those who are at the top of their game.  I have never seen someone elude this result.

Ultimately, they are not going to be the one who wins.

This is true in sports as it is in business, relationships, ministry and life.  We are all going to lose at one time.  We are all going to face stress and pressures.  We are all going to have people question our actions, motives and decisions.  It can be as big as financial decisions, job changes or bold steps of faith.  It can be as small as what to wear today or what to eat.  We all have opinions about other people.

What do you do when other people are causing you stress?

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.                 Phillipians 4:6, 7 NLT

I have learned that I cannot control others.  Like a coach, I can teach, demonstrate and speak into someone’s life, but I cannot make them do anything.  Also, I cannot control my external circumstances.  I cannot control how certain things happen in my life.  Life happens and you have to deal with it.

However, the one thing I have direct control over is me.  My thoughts, attitude, words and actions are all under my command.  I have the clear ability to look at any situation and determine my course of thinking, speaking and taking action.

The tension is there every day of poise and stress.  Integrity and stress.  Character and stress.  Success and stress.  Challenge and stress. It isn’t going away.

In applying Paul’s words, I need to do a couple things:

1.  Go to God and tell Him what I need.  A novel concept – tell God that something is bigger than you and say this is what I need…not want. (Ahh, there is the kicker, need not want.)
2. Thank Him for what he has done.  Can I show gratitude when it isn’t going my way or even more challenging, when I do get what I desire?
3. I will experience peace. Here is the toughest statement of the whole post – Some people enjoy chaos more than they enjoy peace.  They would rather have their “hair on fire” – it makes them feel like they are in control or paying the price for the situation.  Why do that when Jesus paid the ultimate price and God offers me peace even when I don’t understand it?
4. His peace will guard my heart and mind.  As goes my heart (emotions, passions, desires) and my mind (intellect, decisions, actions) – so goes me.  If I let his peace guard those things, I will move forward with greater growth.
5. In Christ Jesus.  I need to acknowledge that I am not self sufficient.  I am fallible and can be broken.  Only God can mend me and make me whole.

Today, you are facing stress.  What is your next step?

Twenty days.

In twenty days, I will walk my beautiful daughter, Abigail, down the aisle.  This will be Kristin and I’s last wedding as parents of the bride or groom.  It has been a day that I have been excited about for many years.

Abigail was given the nickname “Blue” after I came home after a church softball game and she met me at the door.  She was two and half years old with those wild curls and big eyes.  So energetic and so full of life.  She had a way of making me smile back then.

Her rise to teen years brought forth a personality and style that was all her own.  Her siblings may have sung on stage but Abby was a show stopper.  She was bold and strong.  She played Snoopy in a play and just had a way of drawing everyone into her role.  She played basketball and tried new things. She was unafraid and made others around her bolder to try new things.  She had a way of making me smile back then.

Something amazing happened as Abby got older. She stopped being the center of attention and began to really love doing things behind the scenes.  She led small groups, she served in ministries “out of the limelight,” and she impacted lives.  I am amazed at how many people still come up to me and say, “There is something about Abby…”  She had a way of making me smile back then.

Abby took young adulthood by storm.  She did the things she felt led to do.  She nannied for three families – she loved other people’s children like they were her own.  She served at a summer camp for a  summer and made lasting friends for life.  She traveled and did things that would sound amazing.  She became “family” with the New York Yankees security guys and got to lead a bible study for the player’s wives.  I would hear stories like that and it would make me smile.

She came home to Tampa.  She became a personal trainer, started her own nanny business, became a realtor, got engaged to a tremendous guy and is preparing for marriage.  She is strong, determined and still loves people.  Watching her blossom made me smile.

I woke up this morning praying for Abby and her fiance.  Twenty days…she will be his wife.  She is entering into the newest chapters of her life.  She is ready for this.  She is beautiful, strong and going to impact a lot of people in years to come.

She will always make me smile.

I sit in silence.

Early morning and the temperature is so perfect, even the AC/Heat is quiet.  The dog is walked and fed.  And my lovely bride of twenty eight years is sleeping soundly upstairs.  It is 5am.

I have been asked a lot about “How does it feel to be empty nesters?”  I really hadn’t thought about it much.  Abby moved out in early December to prepare for her new life on the coast when she gets married at the end of the month.  It made perfect sense that she wanted to start preparing for “life” when she is done with all the festivities.  Holidays were filled with things to do and people to see.  It finished with a Christmas Eve schedule that was extensive but so worth it to see the gospel shared.

Monday, I came home to an empty house.  Kristin was still at the church finishing her daily work and I arrived to be greeted by our dog. After taking care of her, I sat down to silence.  Now, I am an introvert by nature so silence is a great thing for me to recharge and remember my day.  I made a few phone calls and was back in silence.  Sounds sad, doesn’t it?

It’s not.  Here is what I feel about being an empty nester.

A sense of accomplishment.  I am excited and proud of the kids who have lived in this home of over twenty years and are now making their own homes and families.  Our kids (biological and “adopted”) are doing some great stuff with their lives.  It is great when they come over and we get to see them but I love they leave to are create their own environments for their families.  They are good.  They know and love God.  They love others. Are they perfect – no way.  Couldn’t teach them that because I do not know how to be perfect.

A sense of “me time.”  Sounds selfish but for the first time in my life, I can plan my day around me. I don’t have to tip toe around in the morning or stay up later than I want.  I am reading, listening to music, working out, playing golf and able to enjoy spending time with people we have wanted to connect with now.  Yes, I did all that before but now I it is a whole lot easier.

A sense of anticipation.  This is my biggest feeling that I am enjoying.  It is like we are now in a new stage of life that holds endless opportunities.  I don’t know what the Lord has in store for us but we both have a lot of gas in the tank.  We feel strong in the ministries that God allows us to lead.  (More excited about GFC than ever before!)  We both love our families and relationships.  We both love to explore new things – so who knows what we may do or turn into a trip.  We both love to grow and expand our experiences.  We have new pages to write and we both can’t wait to see how the Lord will fill those up.

And we love being home with our kids and grandkids when they come over.  We eat, we laugh, we get on the floor and wrestle (grandkids only), and we love.  And then they go home.

The silence returns…and it is good.

Happy New Year!  I hope all who read this enjoyed a wonderful time over the holiday of time with family and loved ones.  It is always a special time of year.

A number of years back, P. Craig implemented the idea days off for the staff the week after Christmas.  We still did weekend services, but the office was closed.  This is always a great time of recharging, getting things done that got put off during the Christmas season and prepping for a new year.

With a rested mind and body, I woke up this morning ready for our first weekend services of 2016.  I always treat Saturday like a work day because it really is.  The morning is mine – the rest of the day is His.  We have had Saturday night services at GFC since back in the strip mall in its second year.  I am used to working Saturdays.  And honestly, if I wasn’t a pastor, I would attend Saturday night.  Less crowds, the courtyard, and no traffic.

So what does my day look like?  I get up around 6 am.  I do my devotion, my daily reading and any correspondence that is needed.  By 7:30, I am in the car for my class workout at my gym, Fit Personal Training.  After class, I come home and eat and take care of “piddly” things around the house.  Even though I am not a “speaker” at church, I “flip” at noon.  Flipping for me is when my mind begins to think about the services.  I will begin to run through the order of the service, the things that I need to check on and the people involved.  Many times, I will be praying through all these details and situations asking for the Lord’s presence.  Services are like a weekly NFL game – if you take it for granted and you don’t put the time in, it shows.  You do the work during the week and allow God to lead you through the weekend.

By 2:00pm, I am getting cleaned up and at the church by 3pm.  I have found that I do better if I am at services two hours before.  I will walk around the campus and greet some of the staff and volunteers – all the time, looking at the campus to catch details or things I need to know. By 3:30, I am in the sanctuary listening to the Praise and Worship team go through their songs and watching the slides on the screen.  When P. Craig arrives, we have our weekly talk about our weekends and life stuff for a few minutes.  Then we prep the service and any changes.  By 4:30, I touch the ceiling of the south entrance and go into the foyer to stand at the stairs and greet.  Has that changed much since moving into the new building in 2006.  No, it hasn’t.  Ironically, I still get excited to see what God will do in weekend services.  It really is like gearing up for the big game – when you know people are going to have the opportunity to have a relationship with God, what better feeling is there?

So, does all that make a difference?  I am not a speaker, a singer, a musician, or a skilled tech on the camera, lights or sound board.  I am a behind the scenes component.  One that prays that God will reach the one who needs him that day.  One that is grateful for every volunteer and staff who work so hard. One that wants that first timer to have a great experience.  One that is humbled that God uses us to reach a city that needs Him so desperately.  So, does it make a difference…I know it does!

I am writing.  Yes, I am writing.

I am sitting in a very quiet house on Christmas morning.  I was up early thanks to a dog who didn’t realize that her owner got to bed around 1:30am.  After six amazing Christmas Eve services, seeing people come to know Christ, volunteers and staff take it to a new level of serving and preaching two candlelight services that still takes my breath away – I am sitting quietly and writing for the first time in a long time.  I am tired, my legs are sore and I have a headache.

But I am filled with joy.

I shared last night that it has been a year of ups and downs.  It really has been some amazing highs and challenging lows.  You would think two new grand babies and an engaged daughter would cause me to write everyday.  You would think some of life’s curveballs would cause me to pour out all that God was doing in my heart into my blog.  Seeing lives dramatically affected by death, health challenges and even tremendous blessings would empower me to share.  But, I didn’t.

I am filled with hope.

I spent the last few months taking my writing time and putting into my “get into God’s presence” time.  I purposely would sit in my own “war chair” and talk with God about all that I was seeing in my life and in the lives I intersected with each day.  Some days were amazing – God’s presence was so tangible and rich.  Others were quiet and God allowed me to simmer.  It was such an amazing growth time for me to share my heart with God by just telling what I was observing, feeling and desiring.

I am filled with anticipation.

I am ready for 2016.  I know it will be the best year yet for me, my family, GFC and those who encounter.  Will there still be ups and downs – yes.  But, here is my verse that I started praying in 2015 and will see the fulfillment of in the upcoming year.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”  I Corinthians 2:9

It’s going to be a great year!

On Tuesday, October 27th, around 10:15pm, Graham Nolan Bonham was born.  He is healthy, strong and big.  We are blessed.

I received the text as I was going into our All GFC Staff meeting that they were headed to the hospital that morning.  I got there around 11:45am and quickly realized that Kristin and I were going to be a little early to the party.  Katy was progressing well, so we got lunch, went home and changed into more comfortable clothes and went back to the hospital.  We had a great visit with the expecting parents and then I settled into the waiting room.  Here are some of my observations from there:

• I hate waiting rooms.  Even with the World Series on, my Kindle’s latest book, and a bathroom close by, I still hate waiting rooms.  If I am in one, it means I am waiting.  Whereas I have grown in my patience, I don’t want to go to specific place to do it.
• I like seats that give you an option of a desk…great idea and very useful.
• All the great snacks taste different in a hospital…(except pizza – we learned that with Reese – pizza in a hospital is the most unhealthiest thing to eat and it tastes great!)
• There is a sense of helplessness that comes with being in the waiting room.  Less than 30 yards from our “patients” and yet we can’t do much to help them…except
• Prayer.  God shows up in waiting rooms.  It is amazing how in the quietness of one of those uncomfortable seats (with the cool desk option), God hears prayers.  There was a small window where it was just me. I talked, God listened.  God talked, I listened.  I realized once again how small I am and how BIG He is.
• Family means so much to me.  As it drew closer to delivery, I looked around the room, Christopher and Ian were looking at pictures, Taylor and G-Ma were playing with Reese, Chloe was talking with Abby, Darel was watching the World Series and Kristin was chatting with everyone. Katy’s sister and brother and his wife were there as well.  As I looked, I realized the power of family…in the good times and the tough ones.  We have all had those journeys.  The people in that room bring strength, joy and love in their own way.  How cool they were all there!

Last thing…as I left the waiting room to go back and see my newest grandson, I paused and looked back.  It was empty now.  All of the kids had left to go home.  I remember thinking…thank you God for the waiting room.  You reminded me once again that life has many waiting rooms.  I don’t enjoy the wait.  But when God puts you in the waiting room, you slow down, you look around, you realize what is important…and eventually, you get to leave the room to go on to the next part of your journey.

Go get em!