I am writing this post in a hotel room while I am traveling. I left Monday morning to do some pastoral coaching with the Relate group. I flew to Atlanta and had an executive pastor round table. I return to Tampa late Thursday night. Kristin was home until Wednesday, when she left for the Beautiful weekend for GFC. I know God will do some amazing things in the life of the ladies. As I am in my hotel room, I see a note in Evernote…what did you do to honor your marriage today? I will not see my wife for six days – how am I supposed to honor her when we are obviously busy and apart?

The scripture on the note was Hebrews 13:4, “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” The greek word for honor in this verse is <strong>”timios,” which means, “properly, valuable as having recognized value in the eyes of the beholder.” I realize that being sexually pure is a part of this verse. That isn’t my focus today.

Let me break down the four words that jump out at me from the word “timios.”

Properly. It is a complete and thorough value. It isn’t partial, it isn’t just the good stuff. It encompasses everything about her. For me to truly value Kristin, I have to embrace all the things I love and the things that challenge me about her. While I am traveling, I really miss Kristin’s laugh. It is something that I truly love about her. I don’t miss having to do certain things to help her out around the house. One thing that she asked me to do is fill up her car with gas each week. (And she loves to drive it till the light comes on.) When I think about her, I think about all these things – the good and the bad – and I smile.

Recognized. For her value to be recognized, I must be able to identify it from knowledge of her characteristics. How do I do that? I can’t be “gone” and continue to learn more about her. Even when I am home, I can be “gone.” I have really worked hard on being “present” when we are together. (Not there totally, still working on it.) Being present allows me to know “real-time” what she is going through at the moment. We do this through daily couch time or while traveling a daily phone call or text. You can’t recognize something if you are sprinting by. You need to slow it down and listen, look and learn.

Eyes. I stopped when I saw this word. What do I see when I see my wife? Beauty, strength, grace and wisdom. (A lot more words on this list…will start with these.) I stopped because she needs to know I am “looking” out for her. She needs to know that she is valuable, she is pursued and she is empowered. Also, she needs to be in a safe environment to flourish in all that God has called her to be. All that I see in my wife stops if I do not work to create an environment of honor in our home. I do this with my thoughts, words, actions and purity. For all the times that we are not together, home and traveling, I want to express all that I cherish and see in her by honoring her to others.

Beholder. I love this one. The beholder is the one who sets the value in this definition. Here is my definition…everything. She is my greatest gift. She is one who truly makes me smile on the inside. When I step back and “behold” my wife, I take in all that she is and does and I am blown away. I love watching her with our new grandson, chatting with our kids, giving insights in leadership settings and when she teaches and prays. She signed up for the life of a pastor’s wife a long time ago – it has been a crazy awesome ride. I have watched her during the journey – and she continues to amaze.

How do I honor my marriage? I honor her…or better yet, she truly is my highest honor.

I received my first nickname in the fourth grade. I was tall even back then. My height comes from having long legs (and big feet, I might add.) I was also pretty skinny so you can imagine that I looked pretty gangly. I was in my P.E. Class and my teacher said to me, “Come here Daddy Long Legs.” I was nicknamed after a spider. Not even a really cool spider. The one anyone and their mother can squish.

As a giver of nicknames, I now understand how powerful a nickname can be. It goes beyond identifying you. It characterizes you and that label can describe you in a powerful way. Daddy Long Legs tells people he is docile, spindly, fragile and no threat to you. Translate: he is quiet, growing into his own body, sensitive and will not hurt you. Not a bad assessment. If I stayed with that nickname all my life, I would be in trouble. I could not lead like I am called to lead if I hadn’t changed some of those things.

Matt Keller in his book, “God of the Underdogs” says, “Because we serve a God that is bigger than any label that’s been place on you, there is hope for you.” I love that! What label has been put on you? Maybe you put the label on yourself. One of the biggest challenges I saw when I did children’s ministry was when I asked kids, “What are some of the “words” (labels) that people have said about you?” I heard answers like, “dumb,” “stupid,” “too slow,” “too much energy – hyper,” “fat,” “ugly,” “you’ll never be like your brother/sister,” “you will never amount to anything.” Read that list again. Who in their right mind would say such things to a child? Whether they heard it directly or in another way, that was the label they wore.

Here is the crazy thing. I know people my age who still wear the same labels today. They have let someone else’s view determine how they see themselves today. It is like they are going through life in a glass prison cell. They see things but are “boxed” into the label put on them. If that is you, let me tell you God is bigger than any label you are wearing today. At GFC, we created Freedom, a 10 week program to expose all the lies and garbage that people carry today and help them get rid of it.

Keller challenges his readers at the end of the chapter to pray this simple prayer. “Ok God, I’m ready. Change me from the inside out. Not just my decisions and my outcomes. Change who I believe I am.”

Those are words to live by today!

It is time for Shout Out Sunday. This post is random people who have made more than a random impact on me this past few weeks.

Mike Ash. Mike is the Executive Pastor at Next Level Church in Fort Meyers. He is turning thirty four and gives me great confidence that leaders like him will carry the vision of the local church into the future. He is a leader at a high level who really walks in humility in caring for others. His ability to engage people and draw them into community is amazing. I learn a lot watching him leverage his talents.

Austin. I don’t know Austin’s last name but he left an impression on me while I was at a coaching event I helped lead. Austin was given the volunteer responsibility of maintaining the men’s room during the conference. I asked him how he felt about that and he smiled and said, “I am here to serve. If this makes for a better conference for the men, I will do it.” I hope I see him again one day…he will probably be in charge. What a heart!

Daryl Strickland. Daryl happens to be Austin’s pastor but he is another young Executive Pastor who is changing worlds around him. He is one of the smartest, on the cutting edge guys in church world. I always can get the latest on tech and innovation from Daryl. Here is what truly is so cool about him. He has the biggest heart to serve and empower others to serve. At this conference, the serving model was off the chart. I know he had a direct impact on honoring and valuing each one of those leaders and volunteers. He changes people’s view of themselves daily.

Hunter White. (Mr. President) I always seem to have a young person who impacts me. Hunter is that guy. Ironically, I have known him since he was two. We used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches together when his mom would then volunteer at the church. Hunter is a gifted athlete, Student Body President (hence the nickname), and one of the most faithful volunteers in our preschool ministry. He gets the big picture and uses his influence to help others. It is rare to see someone at his age do that and I am one of his biggest fans.

Gil Baile. If you don’t know Gil, you should. As most people are settling down to rest after a life of working and raising a family, Gil is gearing up. God has put Haiti on his heart and he has been in overdrive for the last three years. He is full of rich wisdom and no-nonsense that he speaks the truth. But if you get him talking about Haiti, watch out. The heart and tears open up. He is changing lives when others are about resting…great role model.

There you go…Shout out Sunday!

As I stood in front of the GFC interns recently, I realized I was about to make a very arrogant statement. So, I lowered my voice, leaned into the podium, announced that I was going to make a very arrogant statement, and said these words…“There is no one in this world who is more gifted, talented and able to do the things that only I have been called to do.” They all leaned back as I pushed out the words. Then, they leaned in again. I then told them I was going to make a very humbling statement and said these words, “At the same time, I am accountable to maximize and impact these things that I have been called to do using those same gift, talents and abilities.” That principle of accountability brings soberness to how I lead. As I walked back to my office with my assistant, Tanisha, she said, “That is a great challenge to write a blog about – the balance of confidence and humility.” This one is in honor of Tanisha.

I have been chewing on these two statements for a while. As a leader, you have to walk in confidence that you are called to lead in that position. In my case, even with a leader over me, I am expected to lead up to him, down to those underneath me and out to the congregation of GFC. (These 3 things will be covered in another post soon). Can you walk in confidence and still be a christian leader because God doesnt’ want us to be arrogant? I believe the answer is “yes.” Here is a kicker…look up the phrase “self confident” in your bible. It usually isn’t found in the bible and if it is in some translations, it isn’t a positive thing. Yet, looking at leaders throughout the Bible, you see them confident as they led their people into war, out of Egypt, into God’s provision, and when they stood tall when others cowered. The key is that they were confident in God to be with them and in their God given abilities, talents and giftings to follow the Lord’s direction. So be confident today! You are the best you to do all that God has called you to do!

I once asked my friend Bill, how do you walk in confidence and not arrogance? He answered it this way – “All day long, you tell yourself how talented and gifted you are. You remind yourself that you are smart and wise. You reinforce how you were called at this moment to lead.” Then Bill smiled and said, “And you do this without ever opening your mouth.” The moment we tell someone how good we are, we run the risk of coming across arrogant. I have used that principle as a measuring stick since that conversation. If I have to tell someone I am talented, gifted or even the leader, then I haven’t done a good job of personifying those qualities in my daily life.

Along with you, I want to walk in confidence and humility today. Believe in all that God created you to be and go do what you are called to do. Smile big…and you never have to say a word.

I have asked the “why” question many times in my life. It challenges me when something happens and you really have no idea why God would allow this to occur. It is a very raw moment when you are looking to a God who encompasses all power, knowledge, compassion and love, and He doesn’t “go your way.” “Why, God, why?”

In my own journey with God, some of the hardest moments were when God didn’t answer prayer. I have no doubt that God can do it – He is more than able. The answer would have alleviated so much pain and distress. When I look through my “lens,” it makes so much sense. Yet, He chose not to do it my way. And that brings me back to a huge question – “Why?”

Here is the bad and the good of the question? The bad centers on the fact that we are not God. It goes back to the Garden of Eden. Since then, men have battled with the desire to “be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Gen. 3:5) Ultimately, God will do His will. Like a parent to a child, He sees and knows more than we will ever know while we are on this earth. A child can say, “One day, when I am older, I will make those decisions.” We cannot do that with God. He will always have his sovereign will and do it as He pleases. I do believe prayer works and impacts the heart of God. Yet, there are times where He does his will and we are left with a big “why?”

Here is the good? If you are in a relationship, you have a freedom to grow in that relationship. Asking “why,” will cause you to grow. Deuteronomy 29:29 says, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.” Yep, even God has secrets. However, this tells me that God will reveal truths that will be for us and our future generations. A marriage relationship is the most intimate relationship a person will have. Intimacy comes with great joy and pleasure but it also has times where it has questions. That relationship is challenged in its faith, trust and love. You will get some answers and some will be left a secret. God is not Santa Claus giving you what you always want and He isn’t one to say “No” all the time. It is in this journey that you truly learn what you believe about God.

Keep asking “why.” In the end, you will find that one thing didn’t change when you asked…His love for you.

I was mentoring one of our GFC interns and we were discussing his “daily routine.” It was pretty normal. After discussing his everyday actions, I said off the cuff, “You know, living the everyday life is one of the hardest to live.” As soon as I said it, I stopped and wrote down. I needed to explore the thought. Here are some of my observations.

Routine and Discipline are essential for growth. As someone who writes about growth often, movement forward is a product of consistency in doing the right things. Vic Braden wrote, “Losers have tons of variety. Champions just take pride in learning to hit the same old boring winning shots.” Daily routine can be “boring.” (That is why it is called routine.) Finding those elements in your day that are moving you forward are essential for growth. Why is this hard? Because our society honors flash, excitement and new ideas. Pastor Craig puts it best in his description of GFC – “the message of the Bible is sacred and will not change, the methods will continue to change.” Find the fundamentals in your life and stick to them. You can tweak their “when, where and how,” but keep at it.

You Can’t Live in Crisis. You would think this would be received with a rousing round of applause. I posted my crazy thirty day stretch through Aug – Sept of this year on Sept. 12th. I felt like I was in a washing machine – pulled and agitated in every direction. Ironically, as I am writing this, I am finishing one of the quietest weeks I have enjoyed in months. I was struggling this week because it was “too” quiet. I admit – I love a good challenge and solving “the crisis of the moment.” You know people like this – they are adrenaline junkies. They love the rush of living in the extreme. As you can imagine, if you are always in an extreme (it can be a good or bad extreme), you are living out of balance and pushing your physical, social, emotional and spiritual capabilities at a high level. You will burn out or break down. I use the image of a grandfather clock with a swinging pendulum. Your life “pendulum” should swing as it unfolds. Good or bad, the pendulum will swing to meet life’s challenges and joys. Yet, it should swing back towards the middle when not in crisis.

The Best Routines are Broken. If you want your routine to be effective, you need to break it up in two ways. One, take a “vacation.” In weight training, doing the same routine “lulls” the muscle into a “memory” that actually stunts its growth. When you mix up the routine, it causes “confusion” and the muscle has to build new cells. I can’t tell you how often to take a break, but you can do this. I have told the staff of GFC for a long time, there is no badge of honor for leaving PTO or vacation days on the books. Take them all and enjoy them. (I learned this from my boss) Even a day off doing something out of the norm will refresh you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Then, jump back into the fundamentals and see renewed growth.

Another reason to break routine is to stay out of ruts. We all have “sacred cows” in our life. Things we continue to do because we have always done it that way. I encourage you to evaluate the routine of your life. Again, keep the fundamentals. Maybe it is time to change the way you approach the fundamentals or eliminate the practice all together. We all have enough clutter in our life, it’s time to clean house and get rid of the junk.

Why is the everyday the hardest? Simple, most of life is lived one day at a time. Learning to live life to the fullest usually means learning to live it every day.

I was driving home the other day and I was thinking. As a pastor, there is no shortage of things to think about. I was speaking that week so I had my message on my mind. I had to-do’s – tasks, assignments and challenges to complete. People situations flooded my thoughts. Add family, friends and others to the mix. Noise doesn’t have to be loud, it just has to make you notice it. And I had a lot of noise vying for my attention. I clicked off the music, rolled up the windows and drove in silence.

And listened…and it came…the sound of silence.

We live in an age where silence is not comfortable. Even when I get up at 4 am, I still hear the hum of the refridgerator, our 67mph paper guy and the sprinklers going. I encourage you to find times of silence…because silence is loud. We all need time to pull away from the noise and hear what we really think. But silence is uncomfortable because we feel like we should fill it with something. We like distractions…I know I do. I feel lazy just sitting and thinking when I could be out doing something or experiencing something new.

In finding those pockets of quiet, you will experience something new. New thoughts, ideas, images and peace will begin to flow through your mind. These times are important to keep all the other aspects of your life in balance. In Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NLT) it says, “A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak.” Those times of quiet allow us the times of speaking to be refreshed, thought out and powerful.

Final question…when is the last time you took 15 minutes (1/96th of your day) and sat quietly? Try it out…the silence will be loud!

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” James 1:19 NIV

As many of you know, I stand at the stairs at my church before each service. I was off campus this Sunday and even had someone tell me “who took my place” while I was away. I love talking with people…actually, I love listening to people and hear their story. I wasn’t always like that. I was challenged by big crowds and always had my head on a swivel. I tried to greet everyone, wave as folks went by and carry on a conversation. I changed that. My goal in a conversation is to be “in the moment” and a really good listener.

I want to encourage you to listen more than you speak. The author James wrote one of the most profound nuggets I have ever seen in my life. Slow to speak and quick to listen is a great way to grow, learn and bridge a relationship with someone. In fact, I will add my own nugget – “You will rarely learn anything when you are talking.” The only way for you to talk is for you to come up with something that is already in you. Why not take the opportunity to allow someone else to share their wisdom and you can grow from it.

Here are three ways to become a good listener. First, make good eye contact. I used to really struggle with this one. I really worked hard to gain the confidence to look people in the eye. In doing so, I am telling them they are the most important person in the room. Also, listen for key words and phrases. You will need to say back those key words to verify you are hearing them correctly. A lazy listener is more centered on their own words than on the person speaking. Finally, ask questions. Ask to get clarity, prove a point and to understand better. It actually is a great way of digging into the subject and engaging your own thoughts by seeking more information or insights. Try one of these steps today and you will begin to notice that others speaking to you will be more engaged. (One bonus tip – genuinely smile. When you are enjoying the conversation, they will too.)

My grandson, Jax, loves to grab my ears when we play on the floor together. He doesn’t say much now, but he gets my attention. What will it take for someone else to get your ear?

In visiting a wonderful church this weekend to give them feedback on their services, I listened to the pastor’s message.  His bottom line was to “get wisdom.”  It got me thinking of all the different ways we can do that today.  With the internet, I can get so much information on places, things, and people.  I love the “How to” websites – I seem to use those videos a lot.  The pastor referenced books, Youtube videos, TED and of course, the Bible.  As a huge Proverbs fan, it was a great message.

Another aspect he touched on was going to other people to seek their wisdom.  This is the part of the “treasure hunt” that I enjoy the most.  I have found that human wisdom comes in all ages, stages of life and intellect.  I find that almost every conversation I have these days makes me wiser.  It comes down to an attitude that says, “I want to learn more.”  You will have to lower your pride in being the expert in an area to realize that the other person has something to teach you.  You have to listen more than you speak.  And finally, you have to acknowledge that you have not arrived.

Over the years, I have gained wisdom from so many people.  Capt. Yates was a retired Air Force pilot I met in while doing an assignment in middle school that required talking with a military veteran.  I learned to appreciate anyone who serves in the military, fire or police forces.  Pop was my grandfather who retired from working at Boston Gear and then went back to Harvard. He taught me to always ask questions. All my children teach me about this ever-changing world – culture, music and tech.  Bill Morris teaches me how to excel in work and life.  My dad teaches me common sense.  Kristin teaches me about loving God and loving people every day.  So many more I could list that mentor and pour into my life.  And then there is the daily dose of people who intersect my life.  I learn so much every day.  Some wisdom is fun, some tough, some challenging and some sweet.  It is all wisdom, if you look at it as growth forward.

“For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it.”  Prov. 8:11 NLT

Are you seeking wisdom today?

So, you want to know what a pastor goes through in the last thirty days? I will share some of the highs and lows in my own life. (Just to give some context – not included in this list is having my niece who lived with us for four years get married and a vacation trip out west only a few weeks before all of this. All of this happened in the thirty days that followed.)

• Lead the GFC First Step Class
• Lead a Two Day GFC Directional Team Retreat to plan for 2015
• Lead my Men’s Bible study group four times
• Participated in a national Executive Pastor Video Call
• GFC opened the Dream Center
• Found out personal friend committed suicide
• GFC kicked off the Mid Week Bible study with 575 people showing up.
• Reached new strength goal in workouts
• Found out my sister has a brain tumor
• GFC Small Group Expo Week – Kristin has Beautiful
• Began implementation of 2015 Plan
• My Mom celebrated her birthday
• My Pastor came back from his 90 day sabbatical
• I celebrated my 47th birthday with my wife and family.
• Flew to Nashville for my sister’s surgery.
• Flew back to Tampa in time for friend’s Memorial service.
• Had first service with P. Craig back in service
• Taught at Married Life on Communication and Expectations.

As you can see, it has been an amazing roller coaster ride the last thirty days.  And now it is your turn, look over the last thirty days and see all the life events you have encountered.  Some were great wins and others where heart felt challenges.  Now, comes the tough question (you knew it was coming).

How do you live your life in an ever changing world?  

I have so much going on in my life that I have to learn how to navigate all events and interruptions.  How people do this without God is beyond my desire or comprehension.  Beyond my intellect, skills and talents, I have to face each of these with feelings, emotions and attitude.  Meshing the emotional world and tangible world can be messy, even when it is a positive event.  God gives me the foundation and confidence that He has this in His plan for me.  I didn’t give my life to Christ because He needed me…I definitely needed Him.

I looked at the month coming up…oh boy!