I was listening to a teaching by Bill Hybels and he used a phrase that caused me to pause, write down and ponder. He said these words…

“When did God do his absolute best for me?”

He proceeded to talk about Jesus being the unblemished, Son of God, a man of flesh, yet without sin. He was the perfect sacrifice. He talked about the role of the Holy Spirit, God’s perfect gift for man’s ongoing, daily relationship with Him. He even mentioned the perfect destination and that heaven awaits all who have a relationship with God. He ended this segment with an interesting challenge/ statement…

“My best for His glory would be greatly appreciated.”

I have pondered this teaching for a while now and it has been an amazing journey. I realized pretty quickly that God has perfection in all that He has provided for me. I haven’t achieved perfection in anything that I have given him. I fall short in every gift, talent, thought, words or actions that I performed. My achievements were never perfect…there was always room for improvement or better results. I will never match God in the giving ratio. God = 1, Me = 0.

The statement doesn’t ask for my perfection. It asks for my best. When I read that, I think about all my efforts. I don’t do many things half way. In fact, when I decide to do something, I will make a commitment that is so strong. Watch me workout at the gym and I have a puddle of sweat around me on the floor. My eating habits are lined up with the diet set up to maximize my health. “My best” does really well most of the time, but it doesn’t reach the highest levels possible. It falls short every time. God = 2, Me = 0.

“For His glory” is a tough one to ponder. Do my words, thoughts, and actions bring glory to God? Are there things that in my daily routine or even the one’s outside the box that God’s glory is revealed to others? Do I give others the time or the listening ear they need that will help them see God’s love in me? Do my thoughts always bring a reverence to God and exalt his power and character? Tough one…not even close. God = 3, Me = 0.

Aren’t you glad God scores it differently?

God = 3, Me + Jesus = Your Best is Enough

(This is the fourth nugget from a teaching I did about the 7 things I have learned in my 20 years at Grace Family Church.)

Learn to Celebrate Each Other’s Wins

Pastor Frank Damazio came to GFC and was sharing with our leadership. He talked about an interesting dynamic that happens as a church grows larger. He said that “sibling rivalries” develop as you grow and it must be dealt with or it will begin to undermine your foundation and growth. “Why do they get those resources,” “Why am I not included anymore,” “I used to be the favorite one and I am not anymore.” You can imagine the endless questions of how we view church growth as it relates first to ourselves and then to others. And “yes,” it always starts with you first. You would be lying if you don’t look at how it impacts you first – it is part of our human nature to look out for ourselves first.

In my 20 years at GFC, I have enjoyed the wonderful opportunity to work on nearly every ministry. You name it; I have come in contact with it at one time or another. (Except Women’s ministry – Since Kristin oversees that, I get that one through her.) I have also had the great blessing of being a pioneer in many of those areas. It fits with my gifting to start things up and pass them off to someone who is more gifted to take it further down the field. So, you would think it is easy to watch other people hit home runs, right? Not really. I struggled with this one for a while. You want people to remember your efforts, relationships, and countless hours to impact a ministry. A good example is the Children’s Ministry. I was the first pastor over what is now the Zone, Clubhouse and Promiseland. We established the foundation, processes and values for ministry that are still used today. However, by bringing Pastor Mike Moore and Jeanna White into the leadership role, both ministries have blossomed into something far beyond what I could ever imagine. They are spectacular leaders and visionaries for children’s ministries. If I needed the “win,” I would never have given up the leadership role; thus, stopping growth and ministry reach in these areas. When it is time, you gotta let it go.

Pastor Damazio’s words crystalized into the question – Can you celebrate another person’s win? The answer is “yes.” Over recent years, I realized that I needed to get to a healthy place on this or my own foundation and growth were going to be affected. I had to do the work in my insecurities, need for approval and people pleasing. I realized that the “me” filter was undermining what God wanted to do in that leader’s life and in the lives they were leading.

In the end, I am one of the biggest cheerleaders for all of the ministries at Grace. I want to connect every person I come in contact with on a weekend to one of our ministries. I believe in our staff and volunteers and want them to succeed at their calling. It isn’t about what I would do in those ministries; it is about seeing people impacted by the other leader’s vision, gift and talents. They are called for this time to do it – why would I not want to celebrate that?

It is time for a “self check?” Are you in a sibling rivalry? Maybe your own foundation is affected by some qualities that prevent you from celebrating the wins of others. Make the effort, take the steps, do it today…in the end, you will be celebrating your own win.

 

I was having a “Messy Ministry Moment.”  That is when you remember (again) that people are the joy and challenge of ministry – and both are usually “messy.”  I was in that mind frame and was sharing “my pain” with my parents one day.  Have you ever had those moments where you just wanted to “get it all out.”  After listening for a while, my very wise father, asks, “Aren’t you the biggest challenge of all?”  Immediately, I answered, “You bet I am.”

Flashback to a staff meeting I had with our Ministry Assistants a number of years ago.  We were talking about “stress” in the workplace and I asked each to share what their definition of stress was.  I thought it was going well – good answers, discussion about how to deal with it, how to be proactive.  As I began to dismiss the group, Carol asks, “Pastor Chris, what is your definition of stress?”  Without hesitation and no previous thought beforehand to my own definition, I blurted out these words that have stared me in the eye since then…

“My definition of stress is when people or situations do not meet my expectations.”

I have faced this statement so many times since that day.  I am a naturally driven, task oriented, logic minded person.  One of the downsides of being a “maximizer” is that 99% is not good enough in my mind.  I am always evaluating and tweeking people and situations to get the very best out of them.  According to my own definition of stress – I am constantly in a state of stress!  We all do dumb things and situations will usually have some element that needs improvement.  So, “yes dad,” I am my worst offender in these situations because I am disappointed in these circumstances.  How do I overcome these expectations – here are three things that work for me.

Don’t take personal offense.  I was in a meeting once where one of the participants got frustrated and left the meeting upset.  In leaving, they said, “I am personally offended that…”  It really impacted me that day.  I realized that there is very little that I need to take a “personal offense to and leave a situation.”  It is my version of “putting yourself on the shelf” that I discussed in an earlier blogpost.  Not many people are thinking of me when they do something and situations are not “tailored” so I could experience the biggest amount of pain.  The world doesn’t revolve around me so I shouldn’t  react like they do.  And for those who are reading this thinking about all the issues that could offend me as a pastor and a christian, here is a thought.  At the end of the day, God is trying to reach those people with His love too – if they are valuable enough for Christ to die on a cross for them, I will continue to build a bridge as best I can.

Find a positive.  This is a skill we can all improve on each day.  (I am getting good at this.)   Every situation has a positive and if we can capture that “win,” it will diffuse the emotion of defeat.  No one wants to destroy you and failure is not final.  We have all seen the quotes by Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, etc. who talk about their “failures” becoming their stepping stones for their victories.  By taking this step, you will begin to turn the stress off and start building forward to a new outcome.

I am out of control.  This is my newest “tool” in my tool belt.  In the last two years, I am learning what it means to “live out of control.”  I will go into  depth in a future post but let me explain the bottom line.  In the end, God is soverighn and I want to follow his purposes.  By recognizing that He has ultimate authority to do what He wants with people and situations, I am taking the burden of the ultimate results off my shoulders and putting them squarely on His.  This gives me peace to know that I don’t have to be perfect…and nor do people and the situations in my life.  Truly, one of the most powerful lesssons in my life…more to come on that in the future.

Are you stressed?  Just writing this has reminded how we can deal with it.  I hope you are because living IN peace is much better than living OUT of peace…I hope you find it for yourself!

A weekend at Grace Family Church goes like this for me:

Saturday:

2:00 – 3:00pm  Prep for service

3:00 – 8:45pm Preservice walk around, meetings, services

Sunday:

5:00 – 6:45am  Wake up, devotions, breakfast

7:00 – 8:00am   Prayer in the sanctuary

8:00am – 1:30pm   Preservice walk around, services

In one twenty-four hour span, I will spend around fifteen of those hours dedicated to the services at GFC.  I don’t have to do it this way – it is my choosing.  Over the years, this allows me to eliminate challenges  (most of them) before the services start and get myself ready.  It is the best chance to see as much of the GFC Van Dyke congregation as possible and i want to maximize it.  I truly enjoy talking with so many of them – I am enthused, amazed and excited to see how God is working in their lives.

When I leave to go home after services, I am tired.  Physically, mentally and even emotionally, I am drained.  I have grown in my extraversion.  I am naturally more introverted and that can be difficult when over 7,000 people walk in your door each week.  Realizing this challenge, Kristin started something a few years ago that has become “my favorite hour of the week.”  She does Sunday lunch.  The ground rules are simple if you are a Tampa Bonham:  Lunch starts at 2pm, you do not have to come if you have other plans, you do not have to bring anything, no cell phones and if you cook, you do not have to clean up.  I write “Tampa Bonham” for a reason – we have “adopted” a number of young adults and families over the years.  If you have made it to the table , you are welcome to come to lunch anytime after that.

What would  a Sunday lunch look like?  Great question.  If you are envisioning a Norman Rockwell painting, you are wrong.  I will say, Kristin does an amazing job of doing all of her responsibilities at the church over the weekend.  Then, she will race home and prepare a great meal to feed the clan.  It might look Americana picturesque when we say grace, but for the most part, it looks a lot like “Rock Em, Sock Em” robots after that.  Some days are pretty quiet and “normal” like you would expect after all of us being at church all morning. Other days, that is where you would be surprised.  We have a lot more “noise” around the table.  We have the worship leaders telling about their song sets and how it went, people telling about their big event of the week, the latest video on You Tube, Casey and Tyler usually do their “back and forth” in a foreign accent, all while passing food.  Our table has grown where we have chairs crammed elbow to elbow – I honestly think we love the challenge and the closeness of it all.  Finally, we often to celebrate.  Birthdays, Anniversaries, big life events, highs and lows…it is a fun time.

How could something so crazy and chaotic be “recharging” for me.  Even I am amazed how much I look forward to it and enjoy it after a long weekend.  It is simple – it is family.  Each of them have a story that is so intimate to mine.  Even those who are there only once seem to add to the joy of it….and they get dubbed “Tampa Bonham.”  When Kristin and I are out-of-town, the kids all work out who and how the meal is going to happen.  We have had as little at four of us and we have done it with twenty-four people in different rooms.  It is one hour of the week, where we all take off our jobs, roles, titles, responsibilities and just focus on our relationships.

Why write about it…It’s a weekday and I am already looking forward to Sunday!

It was a Friday afternoon when we pulled into Camp Kulaqua.  The carpool line slowed down to take in the huge field that funneled down into a natural spring.  Even from the road, you could see the brightly colored blog sitting there taunting you to come down and take a turn defying gravity.  You pass the A Frame structure and the horse barn and the show arena opens up to the right.  Continuing down the road, you see the cafeteria, gym and offices.  There is this huge air strip for small planes to fly down and teepee at the end of the runway.  We inch back to the small cabins – two circles of block buildings that sleep ten with a bathroom in the middle that didn’t bely the fact they were build when the camp opened (not a pretty smell).  As we take it all in, you hear it and you feel it.  It is as loud as a lion’s roar!  Then you realize, it is a lion’s roar.  Oh yeah, someone said they had a zoo.  While everyone stows their stuff and links up with their counselors, I head to the meeting room no bigger than one of our preschool rooms on the GFC Water’s Campus.  This is camp – this is 1996.

We leave for camp today!  It is still one of the greatest things I have ever been a part of over the eighteen years that GFC has been doing it.  It started pretty humble and simple.  We couldn’t take over the camp, let alone a larger meeting facility – there was only 35 of us.  Yet, we did it.  We had simple “services,” swam in the spring, had a bonfire and a rodeo!  It was so hot – we sweated the entire time.  Over the years, so much has changed.  The camp has expanded in so many ways – brand new dorms this year, a water park, tower of faith, the King’s chapel, expand the cafeteria, outdoor picnic pavilion, updated sounds systems and even wi-fi.  Over the eighteen years, we have seen ministry take on so many new forms – music, drama, speakers, color wars, group activities, small groups, break out sessions, counselor – camp talks, pastor – counselor talks, and even the camp nurses (amazing group of ladies)!

One thing doesn’t change – God shows up.  In so many ways…it shows the “bigness” of God and the intimacy of our Heavenly Father.  Sitting in one of the powerful services, people repent, get things right, forgive, receive life callings. (Side note: One of my greatest camp memories was Casey standing behind me as a squirt and watching the Move band lead at camp.  He pointed at Brandon and said, “I want to do that someday.” He is one of the leaders this week!)  The intimacy shows up in the talks with new friends, a counselor, or even just hearing God for the first time.

There is something about camp that draws you back.  Just talking to “alumni” this weekend at church – young adults with new wives and little children long to go back.  They share their stories and there is lots of laughter and there is even some tears.  Camp changes lives and continues to work on your heart long after the busses arrive back at the church.

Here’s an irony…I never went to summer camp as a kid.  But I am so glad I did as a Pastor…It has impacted my life for a lifetime!

(This is nugget # 3 that I shared in a talk I gave – 7 Things I have learned at 20 years at Grace Family Church)

“Behind every number, there is a name.  Behind every name there is a story.  And every story is important to God.”  Perry Noble

This nugget goes way back to the first few weeks of me being at GFC.  Craig calls me in his office one day and says, “Chris, you need to change your face on Sunday morning.  You are going too fast through the crowds, with an intense face – people think you are angry.”  I said, “I am just trying to get things done.”  He said, “They will be.  Slow down.  People are more important.”  This was one of the biggest lessons I have learned at GFC.  In fact, our “slug line” on our logo was, “you matter to God.”  Even when we removed it from the logo, it was never removed from the heartbeat of our pastor and his wife, Debbie.

When the church was very young, Debbie taught me the importance of learning people’s names.  Debbie would actually have a little black book where she would write down a person’s name that she met at church.  I caught onto the principle by watching her.  We both began to work hard to learn all the names of the people who called GFC their home church.  It was easy at first – there wasn’t too many of us.  Eventually, we both had to give up because the number of people were overwhelming.

People want to be recognized and they want to be heard.

I did a lot of work in Children’s ministry.  It was amazing to me how a child will “light up” when you call them by name.  Actually, all people react when you know their name.  Our names are important.  It gives a basic sense of value when you know my name.  My mom proves this to me every time I visit my parents in Tennessee.  While there, I will meet their friends and associates when they do their daily errands.  Whether it is the first time I have met them or a reintroduction, I am always (I mean always) called “Christian” by my parents or the person I am meeting.  That is my given name and my parents refer to me as such.  It is the only name they have used in describing me so it would be the only way for their friends to identify me.

Another phenomenon happened with my name in the last ten years.  It changed.  I have been always known as Pastor Chris.  With my family growing in their roles at the church, my name has changed to “Kristin’s husband” or “__________’s Dad.”  And I love it.  I love that they are making an impact with their lives in the church and the community.  After most services at GFC, I will stand with Casey to greet people as they leave.  He gets a lot more “traffic” than I do and I think its funny when someone leans over after talking to him and asks, “And you are Casey’s dad?”  I smile…on the inside and out.  It is the best compliment to me when Kristin or one of my kids hits a home run and they want to associate me with them.

Every name has a story.

I love hearing people’s stories.  (With one catch).  I am good for about one minute.  In getting to know someone, I will usually ask one of these two questions:  “Tell me thirty seconds of your life?” or “Tell me something about yourself that would surprise me?”  People give you the most amazing responses.  Some jump in and others look at you like you are an alien from outer space.  Here is the kicker – they always answer.  If they are hesitant, I will say that I will go first and I tell them about me.  Or, I will surprise them by telling them that I was in the circus while in college and did a wedding on Spanish MTV two years ago. (both true)  That will break the ice and they will share their story.  Don’t miss this…people want to share their story.  It reaffirms that there is value in them.  And there truly is.  Even the most inward people want you to know they are important because of something they think or they accomplished.  It is our job to draw out those stories.  If you do this, you will find it reaffirms them but enriches your life as well.  Those stories are what feeds that relationship.

I close with this…you go into ministry because you feel a calling to help people find and grow in their relationships with God.  Knowing people’s names and stories are key components of building the bridge to meeting people where they are at.  And, to help them take the step to where they want to go.

Love God, Love People

What defines me…those four words.

I am a simple person.  I have lived for forty-six years and accomplished some pretty cool goals.  I have met some amazing people along the way and call many of them family and friends.  I have travelled to some of the most desolate and some lavish locations of the world.  I have seen tremendous joys and been challenged by some crushing tragedies.  After all that, these four words remain my definition.

My mentor gave me an assignment recently…what do you want you legacy to be?  I went through the question in my head from every angle – With God, my Kristin and family, Grace Family Church, Other relationships, professionally, socially and financially.  I thought of what live long impact looked like to me and what are the characteristics of a lifetime that will have a lasting effect.  If I gave it my very best with the talents, gifts, mind and body God gave me, what could I leave that will last beyond my days on earth.  These four words.

I do dream about so much more – Kristin and I celebrating 50 yrs of marriage in 24 years, my kids becoming grandparents and my grandkids getting married.  I envision the places we will go, the people we will encounter and the opportunities to share the wealth of experiences we have accumulated over the years.  I dream of an empowered” lives that will look at their relationship with me and say, “I am closer to God, my family and others’ because of you.” I dream of living a life of freedom with God and myself so that fear, insecurity and approval of others isn’t dictating my actions – my heart and my mind are at peace.  Those dreams can come true because of those four words.

I realize those four words are life-giving to me.  They give me purpose, direction and peace.  They are vital to establishing how I spend my time, direct my finances, and what I give my heart to today.

I want to shift the lens for a moment…realize, we are all in the same boat.  I talk with people every day about their lives and what they see as important.  I find that it is easier for all of us to not define our inner most value and priority because it allows us the “grace” to stay in the margin of the bullseye and not be all in.  I do it…even with my clear understanding of what is the best path for me to take.  I can get my eyes “off the prize” and put other things in priority.  I can say “I am too tired to keep on target” or “It cost too much.”  I know that feeling. Can I challenge you to take a step? Make the commitment to put yourself under the microscope and find out what you truly believe.

So, the last part of my conversation with my mentor…What is success to me?  I said, “To run and finish life’s race strong and walk in freedom with God and myself.” If I can do that (and I am going to give it my best), then I will have run the race that God has for me with all I have been given and hear him say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”